


Let Me Help You

by eishyy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Baby Niall, Child Harry, Father Louis, M/M, Protective Zayn, Self-Harm, Teenager Liam, Tomlinson Corp.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 09:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 30,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7527679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eishyy/pseuds/eishyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm so sorry Mr. Tomlinson. There's nothing we could do"</p><p>With those ten words, Louis Tomlinson's world came crashing down. What would he do without her? How could she leave them? How could she die! Louis was filled with anger at first because she was the only thing that held their family together. His beautiful wife who he wedded ten years ago when their first child was two.</p><p>Louis was now just a grieving widow with three boys and a stressful job. He ran his own company, selling luxury apartments, therefore being quite rich. He helped design the beautiful luxury and was always proud of his work. He worked hard and vowed to continue because he knew that when he worked hard, good things came out of it.</p><p>After telling his three boys, Liam, 12, broke down. He understood a lot more on what had happened than his two younger brothers. Harry, 7, was just confused. He didn't understand just quite on what his daddy meant by 'your mum is gone'. Did she go on a holiday? And lastly Niall, 3, who didn't even really hear his fathers words as he played with his shoes.</p><p>What Louis doesn't expect is to find love.</p><p>When he meets a man named Zayn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Boys! I hope you're ready!" Louis screamed from the bottom of the stairs as he held Niall, who was sitting comfortably on his hip, his head rested on Louis' shoulder with his thumb in his mouth. Louis grumbled as he walked to the kitchen and packed the boys lunches with one hand.

"Dada, I go to daycare?"

"Yeah bud. Sorry, dad has to go into work today". Niall let out a small huff.

"But you not work for long time dada!" Louis sighed and pressed a kiss to Niall's forehead before setting him down on the ground.

"I know. I'm sorry. They need me to go in today".

"Morning!" Harry walked in, ruffling his hair and sweeping it to the side as he began to pull his shoes on.

"Morning Haz, did you have a good sleep?" Louis asked as he placed jam toast in front of his middle child.

"It was okay. Today we're making art work of our families daddy!"

"Wow, that sounds exciting! Liam!" Louis was beginning to get angry as he hadn't yet seen his eldest up and dressed for school.

"Yeah. But daddy, what if someone asks about mummy?" Louis looked to his boy with sadness and had no clue on what to say. Louis had to explain several times to Harry in different ways on what had happened to his mother. He finally understood when they were at the funeral and her coffin was being lowered into the ground.

"I don't know bud. I'm sure it'll be okay if you don't put her down, alright?" Harry nodded sadly and began eating his toast. "Liam!"

"I'm coming! Calm yourself jeez". His eldest appeared at the bottom of the stairs, his shirt not tucked in to his pants, his tie hanging loosely around his neck and his hair a complete mess. Louis wanted to yell at Liam for his attitude but wasn't in the mood for a fight this time in the morning.

"I have to go to work today so you boys are going to have to walk home. And Niall, Aunty Lottie is picking you up".

"Aunt Lottie!" Niall cheered happily, squealing slightly with excitement.

"Can you keep it down Niall? Not everyone gets a good and peaceful sleep". Liam groaned, causing Niall to look up at Louis in confusion. Why had his older brother told him off? What had he done? Louis sighed.

"Liam, don't tell Niall off. He didn't do anything wrong".

"Whatever. Can we go now?"

"You haven't eaten anything?" Louis frowned.

"I'm not hungry. Can we hurry up?" Louis was getting sick of Liam's attitude.

"Haz, go and brush your teeth for me, then we'll go". Louis finished packing all the bags, handing them to each of the boys as they rushed out the house. Louis drove to the private school he and his wife had paid thousands for and gave Harry a kiss. "Have a good day boys. I'll see you later tonight". Liam just got out of the car and walked away without a word.

"Bye daddy!" Louis waved to Harry and sighed lightly, beginning to drive to the daycare. He walked in with Niall clung to him, greeted by the familiar receptionist.

"Hello Louis! It's been a while, how are you holding up?" Louis was sick of these questions. He wanted to snap and rant about how stupid that question was and how terrible he's feeling but felt it would be better to politely answer the stupid question.

"We're fine. Niall, I have to go to work now. I'll see you at home".

"No dada!"

"come on bud, please? I promise I'll see you later". He handed Niall to Natalie and kissed Niall's forehead, saying a quick 'I love you' before rushing back out to his car and driving to work.

As soon as he walked through the office doors, many people looked shocked as their boss had returned and began scrambling to look as though they were hard at work.

"Louis! It's great to see you!" He nodded to the worker and continued walking until he was at the conference room. He walked in, startling some of his co-workers and sitting down in his usual chair.

"Mr. Tomlinson! Nice of you to join us!"

"I had to return sometime. So, what is this meeting about?"

"Well sir, it seems that Tomlinson Corp. has been going down in sales since you left and we're unsure on what to do". Louis nodded and thought carefully.

"I think we should redesign a new apartment. A new look. Something that makes a customer gape at the scenes".

"Yes! That is brilliant sir! It's really great to have you back!" Louis nodded.

"It's great to be back Mr. Portman".

~..~..~..~..~..~

Louis sat down in his office, letting out a breath as he was finally out of the meeting that had gone on for over three hours. It was odd being back in the work atmosphere. He moved his chair forward as he stared at his untouched desk and made a double look at the photo frame on the right side. He picked it up and lightly wiped his thumb over his beautiful wife, smiling as he examined the families happy, joyful faces as they were mucking around in the park. He let a few tears drop as he replayed the memory in his head but was disturbed as there was a knock on his door. He put the frame back, wiping the tears away as he composed himself.

"Yes?" One of his best mates walked in the office, smiling sadly at Louis as he closed the door behind him and sat on the other side of the desk in the cushioned chair.

"Hi Lou".

"Hi Dan".

"How are you? How's the boys?" Louis shook his head slightly.

"We're fine".

"It's Friday tomorrow, and I'm going out with a few of the boys, you want to come?" Louis frowned at Daniel then looked down to his left hand, staring at his wedding ring.

"No thank you". Daniel sighed.

"Lou, it's been six months. You need to get out there. You're never going to be happy again if you don't try".

"I don't want to Daniel. And besides, I have the boys. I can't leave them alo-"

"Get them a baby sitter. Cmon Lou! Just a few drinks!"

"Daniel-"

"I'm calling a brilliant babysitter I know. She's wonderful. I'm taking you out and that's the end of it". Before Louis could protest, Daniel was on the phone and organising. Louis sighed and slumped back in his seat. Looks like he's going.

~..~..~..~..~..~

"One beer please". Louis looked over to see his mates chatting up girls and dancing with strangers as he drowned his sorrows in the sweet, bitter taste of alcohol. He really just wanted to get home and be with his kids but Daniel had insisted that Rachel would be fine and she's the best babysitter in town.

"My boyfriend cheated on me. It was some whore from a bar". Louis frowned, turning to the stranger who had just began talking to him. He had a black, styled up quiff, perfect jaw line, wearing a black leather jacket and dark blue jeans, a slight stubble. "He dumped me as soon as I found out. Funny, isn't it? You'd think it would be the other way around. I find my boyfriend cheating on me so I dump him, but no. That didn't happen. He dumped me. Apparently I've been moping for too long so my friends dragged me here to 'get out there' and 'live your life' saying they'll help you have some fun but now are off with random girls, trying to score while I'm drowning my sorrows in beer". The man drank from his glass and turned to Louis. " 'm Zayn". Louis found the man intriguing and wanted to know more, so he talked back.

"Louis".

"Nice to meet you. Maybe. I don't know. For all I know you could be exactly like Pete. Fucking slag". Zayn drank from his beer again. Louis seemed mesmerised by this man and had to know even more.

"I'm in the same boat. Well, not really". Zayn frowned at Louis in confusion, then saw the wedding ring.

"Married?" Louis shook his head. "Promise ring?" Shook his head again, sculling his beer.

"You want to take this back to your place?" Louis placed his hand on Zayn's thigh and Zayn was filled with hunger and lust. Zayn pulled Louis out the bar, getting a cab, their lips attacking one another, Zayn pulling at the nape of Louis' neck and Louis' hands pulling at Zayn's shirt. 

They ended up in Zayn's living room, sitting on his couch as his lips were attached to Louis'. Zayn's shirt removed and his hands running under Louis' shirt. They made out for what felt like hours before Louis pulled away and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this! I have to go". Louis got up to leave but Zayn grabbed his arm.

"Can't I at least get your number?" Louis scribbled down his number on a piece of paper and handed it to Zayn, before disappearing out the door, guilt filling him as he ran.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis had received a text from Zayn the morning after, saying how he had a good time and hoped to see Louis soon. Louis continued to push away the fact that he too would like to see Zayn again. But he couldn't be unfaithful. It hadn't even been that long. It's only been six months. He has three kids. He doesn't have time for a new relationship. No it can't happen.

"Dada?" Louis straightened his tie and turned to see Niall in his plaid pyjamas, holding bear and rubbing his eye with his small, chubby fist.

"What's wrong Ni?" Louis noticed how Niall's eyes were slightly red and watery. He lifted his son and sat him on his hip as he felt Niall's forehead. "You're warm. Do you not feel well?"

"No dada". Niall shook his head and pushed his face into Louis' neck.

"I have to go into work today". Louis groaned and pulled his phone from his pocket, dialling Rachel's number. He got her voicemail and groaned, trying to think of who he can ring to take care of Niall. His sisters and mother were working, he only had friends from work and then...oh no. Louis shook his head. He can't. He shouldn't see him again. He looked down to Niall's sad, pale expression and sighed, dialling the number.

"Louis? Didn't think I'd be hearing from you so soon". Louis almost moaned from the deep sound of Zayn's voice.

"I know it's early. I'm sorry but could you please do me a huge favour?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"I need you to come to my place. I'll text you the address thank you so much". Louis hung up before Zayn could say anything else and texted their address to Zayn before going to make sure the boys were up and getting ready for school. Harry was already completely dressed however Liam was still asleep in his bed. Louis shook his eldest lightly. "Liam you have to get up now. We're going to be late". Liam only groaned in response and didn't move. "Liam, I know you hate Mondays but Niall is sick and I'm stressed enough and I have a meeting please just get up". Liam didn't move. "Please Li, I really need you to help me out here". Niall whined.

"Liam you make dada sad. Wake up!" Liam opened his eyes slightly.

"Do I have to go?"

"Please don't be like this Liam. Just get up please". Liam groaned and sat up, Louis leaving for him to get dressed. He went down the stairs and made Harry his breakfast, giving Niall some panadol and handing Liam a piece of toast. Zayn wasn't there yet and Louis was pushing on time. "Liam you and Harry are going to have to walk. I'm sorry but I'll try and get off work early and pick you up".

"It's okay daddy. We know you have to work and get money so we can eat and live here". Harry hugged Louis' legs tightly and Louis ran his fingers through Harry's curls.

"I'll see you boys tonight. Have a good day". Liam pulled Harry as they walked out the front door.

"Dada you go work?"

"Yeah Ni. I'm just waiting for someone to come and take care of you". There was a knock on the door and Louis held Niall tightly, opening it to see Zayn. He grabbed his wallet and phone before handing Niall over to Zayn and stepping out the door. "Thank you so much I owe you. Just ring me if there's any problems!" Louis rushed to his car and began driving to work as he was already late. Zayn awkwardly held Niall, closing the front door and staring in awe at the house. He looked to Niall who was staring at the stranger with his thumb in his mouth.

"Ah, I'm Zayn".

"Z...za...Zayn?" He nodded and Niall frowned. "You and dada friends?" Dada. Louis was a dad. That scared Zayn slightly.

"Ah, yeah. What's your name?"

"Me Niall".

"How old are you Niall?"

"I three".

"Where did your dad go?" Zayn explored the house whilst talking to Niall.

"He go...go work. I not feel well". Zayn nodded.

"What do you like to do Niall?"

"Bear!" Niall held out the brown teddy, hopeful he answered Zayn's question.

"Okay...so do you have toys in your room?"

"Yes!" Niall pulled Zayn up the stairs and walked into Liam's room where the iPad was.

"This is your room?"

"No! Liam". Zayn walked over to Liam's shelves and picked up a photo frame to see Louis smiling happily with three boys and a woman.

"Hey Niall, who do you live with?" Niall walked out of Liam's room and into his own.

"Liam and Hawey and dada". Zayn frowned as he only heard three people.

"So who's this Niall?" Zayn pointed to the lady and watched as Niall's eyes teared up and his bottom lip trembled. Zayn panicked as he noticed the young boy was about to cry. "No, please don't cry I-" Niall let out a loud cry as he tilted his head back slightly.

"Mummyyyyyy".

"Shh Niall please stop crying!" Zayn looked around and grabbed the first thing he saw. "Look it's a..it's a frog! Look Niall!" Niall looked to the stuffed toy and screamed even louder. Niall continued to call for his mum as Zayn tried to stop him from crying with different toys. He got his phone out and rang Louis. "Please pick up. Please please please".

"Zayn? What's wrong?"

"He won't stop crying!"

"Why what happened?"

"I don't really know!"

"Okay put him on the phone". Zayn cautiously walked over to Niall and put the phone on speaker. "Ni? Baby what's wrong?"

"Mummyyyyy!"

"Ni why are you asking for her? Don't you remember baby?" Niall screamed louder. "Zayn?" He took speaker off and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Yeah?"

"I'm coming now, okay? I'll be ten minutes". Zayn hung up and ran his fingers through his hair, not knowing what to do. The next ten minutes of screaming, the front door opened and Louis came rushing into the room. As soon as Niall saw Louis, he held out his arms and Louis picked him up, shushing him quietly. "It's okay baby shh". Louis rubbed Niall's back in soothing circles until the small boy fell asleep and he lay his son on his bed, walking down to the kitchen with Zayn following. "Do you want some tea? Something to eat?"

"Tea would be nice. Thank you". Louis nodded and began boiling water. "I'm so sorry. I'm really not good with kids".

"It's fine. I'm sorry I was in such a rush this morning. I had a meeting. So what exactly happened?"

"Well, he pulled me to Liam's room and I saw a photo frame and I asked him who the lady was and he just started screaming. Then I tried to calm him down with a stuffed frog but it just made him cry even more.."

"Oh. Well I guess I should tell you. I'm ah...I'm widowed".

"I'm sorry". Louis shrugged and handed Zayn his tea. "How long ago did she...you know?"

"Six months ago".

"Is that why you ran out last week?" Louis nodded.

"I'm sorry about that".

"You're a really good kisser". Louis blushed slightly.

"Thank you".

"Niall's really cute". Zayn walked closer to Louis.

"Yeah. The boys were cute when they were Niall's age as well". Zayn stood directly behind Louis and pressed soft kisses down his neck. "I should.." Zayn nibbled down lightly. "Really go check on.." Louis moaned. "What the hell". Louis turned and crashed his lips to Zayn's, instantly running his fingers through Zayn's hair as Zayn held his waist. Louis shoved his tongue through Zayn's lips and their tongues fought. Zayn lifted Louis on the bench and stood between his legs, pulling at the hem of his tshirt. Louis went to lift his arms but a gasp made them break apart. Louis fixed his top and looked to see Liam and Harry standing there. He jumped off the bench, not knowing what to say. Liam glared at Zayn as anger filled him.

"What are you doing?"

"Ah, boys this is Zayn. Zayn this is Liam and Harry". Louis scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Daddy where is Niall?"

"He's sleeping Harry. Do you want to go and see if he's alright?" Harry nodded and smiled up at Zayn.

"Do you want to come Zayn?" Zayn nodded and followed Harry up the stairs.

"What the hell!?"

"I'm sorry Liam. I didn't know you would be home yet".

"So you're replacing mum already?" Louis' eyes widened in shock.

"What!? No!"

"It's only been six months dad. It hasn't even been a year and you've already forgotten about her". Liam said in a sad whisper, tears welling up in his eyes.

"I haven't forgotten about her".

"You're kissing a complete stranger! How could you!?" Liam let the tears fall and glared at Louis. "I hate you!" Liam ran up the stairs and made Louis jump as he slammed his door. Louis felt that he was tearing up and leaned against the bench. What was he doing?


	3. Chapter 3

Louis didn't know what to do now. The more he thought about it, the more he realised he was beginning to forget her. His wife. Liam had taken it a lot harder when the news about her accident erupted. Louis was bad, of course, but he didn't want his kids taken away so he tried to keep himself sane at least. It wasn't easy for any of them. Niall would cry for her for over two months until he realised she wasn't going to come and get him. Harry cried himself to sleep for three months every night and Liam, well Liam he tried to keep it all in. He didn't cry much. He tried to be brave. But Louis knew. He could tell Liam was taking it a lot harder than anyone. What the hell was Louis doing? Taking a stranger in their home. Letting the stranger look after his baby. Kissing the stranger for his still mourning kids to see. This wasn't right. Louis was in the wrong now. Liam was upset for all the right reasons. It had only been six months. That isn't even a full year. That's just half a year. It's almost time for Christmas but they had decided not to put mummy's tree up. They didn't want presents either. Harry and Niall had made their list to Santa and all it said was that they want their mummy to come home. No monster trucks, trains, action figures, nothing. Just their mum. Louis certainly did cry when Niall and Harry had given it to him to read so they could send it off to Santa. Louis remembers it perfectly well.

******

"Boys I'm home!"

"Dada! Look!" Niall came running to the front door with a piece of paper waving in the air. "I make list today!" Louis lifted Niall and sat him on his hip.

"Did you!?" Niall nodded eagerly and thrashed the paper in Louis' face.

"I did too daddy!" Harry walked to him and held out his piece of paper. Louis set Niall down and read both.

Dear Santa,

I really want my mumma to come home. She be gone long time and miss her

Thank you Santa, Niall

Louis could tell that Harry had helped Niall with writing it and then read Harry's.

Hello Santa,

My mummy has been gone a long time. I really want my mummy back. Daddy is sad without her. That is all.

Thank you, Harry

******

"Louis? Is everything okay?" Louis realised he had began crying again and shook his head.

"I think you should go Zayn. I'm sorry".

"Louis, are you okay?" Louis couldn't actually believe Zayn's concern for him.

"I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have asked you for this. I'm sorry Zayn, but we're not ready for a new person in our life. We're just not ready".

"Not even friends?" Louis felt guilty as he saw Zayn's sad expression.

"I...I suppose friends could be okay. But Liam isn't fond of new people". They were silent for a few minutes. "I should go talk to him. Could you keep an eye on Niall and Harry for me?" Zayn nodded and followed Louis up the stairs. "Liam?" Louis lightly knocked on the door as Zayn walked into Harry's room.

"Go away".

"Can I come in?"

"I said go away".

"Daddy?" Louis looked down to Harry.

"Yeah Haz?"

"Li have a bad day today. He say people hit him daddy. I'm scared".

"Did he say why?"

"He say bad words".

"Okay. Can you please go and play with Niall and Zayn for a little bit?" Harry nodded and ran back to the room as Louis opened Liam's bedroom door, quietly stepping in and closing it again. He was lying on his bed, a photo album in his hands as he looked through all the photos of his mother and himself.

"I thought I told you to go away".

"I'm sorry you had to see that. I shouldn't have been doing that at all". Louis walked further and sat on the edge of Liam's bed, examining his sons tear stained face. "Zayn and I are just friends. I'm not trying to replace your mother okay? I'm just in a rocky patch at the moment".

"So you make out with a stranger". Louis noticed how Liam's shirt had lifted a bit and there was a dark purple bruise on his side.

"Has something been going on at school?" Louis could see Liam's eyes begin to water.

"No".

"Liam, please talk to me".

"And why would I?"

"Because I'm your dad".

"Like you care". Liam scoffed which shocked Louis.

"I do care".

"Oh please! All you care about is your stupid job, Niall and yourself. I can see it and soon Harry will too".

"That's not true! You're my son! I love you boys equally".

"Stop lying and just go away".

"Who is hurting you?"

"No one is?"

"Liam, this is serious. You can get really injured". Liam shrugged his shoulders.

"Just some guys".

"Why? What did you do?" Liam stayed quiet. "Mate, I need you to talk to me. You can tell me anything. No matter what, you're my son and I love you".

"I miss mum dad". Liam took his bottom lip in between his teeth to stop himself from crying and Louis moved closer. Liam leaned into him and was engulfed by a hug as he cried against his fathers work shirt.

"I know. I miss her too".

"I just wish she would come back".

"What's going on Liam? I need you to tell me. It's only you and me in here. No one can hear us okay?" Liam took a deep breath and let out a breath before a quiet sob left his lips.

"I'm gay".

"Okay. That's okay. Y'know what?" Liam pulled away and stared at his dad.

"What?"

"I'm Bi. It's okay that you like boys Liam. It doesn't matter okay? Why are you so hurt that a few people don't like you?"

"Because! I have a crush on my bully!" Louis frowned.

"Okay. Alright". He pulled Liam back to the hug and ran his fingers through Liam's hair. There was a knock on the door and it opened slowly as Zayn stood in the doorway.

"Ah, I need to go..."

"Oh, okay. Ah, I'll text you?" Zayn smiled.

"Yeah, sounds good. I can baby sit anytime".

"Thank you Zayn. For today".

"No problem. Bye Liam, it was nice to meet you". Zayn disappeared from the doorway and Louis looked down to see Liam had fallen asleep. He sighed and set Liam down on the bed, pushing his hair back and kissing his forehead.

"You can stay home tomorrow. We'll go visit her. I love you". Louis whispered before quietly leaving the room and now dealing with two hyperactive children as it seemed Zayn had given them some sugar. Louis would have to talk to him about that.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dada! Dada did Santa come!?" Louis groaned and opened his eyes to see the boys sitting on his bed. "Dada? Santa come yet?"

"Niall, remember we didn't put our tree up? I don't think Santa would have seen us". Niall and Harry's bottom lip trembled as their eyes watered.

"But want mumma". Louis didn't know which boy to hold first to stop the tears.

"I know. But you know what?" The boys rubbed their eyes tiredly.

"What?" Louis pushed their hair back from their eyes.

"You have me, and Liam too". Louis sat up and ruffled their hair. "Come on, let's get up and have some breakfast yeah?" The boys nodded and jumped off the bed, running out the room. Louis looked to Liam's sad eyes. "Are you okay mate?"

"I'll be fine. It's just...it's the first.."

"I know. But we won't even celebrate it, okay? Actually". Louis leant down under the bed and grabbed the wrapped gift. "I got you something". Liam frowned at the wrapped mystery and looked back to Louis. "I thought it might be something you would enjoy". Liam opened the gift curiously and stared at the membership card and boxing gloves.

"Y-you got me a gym membership?" Louis nodded.

"Do you like it?"

"How much did this cost you?"

"That doesn't matter Liam".

"Yes it does! I can see the company is struggling".

"Liam, I don't want you getting hurt anymore. I promise, we're fine". Liam smiled up at Louis and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you dad".

"No problem son. Go down stairs, I'll be there in a minute". Louis grabbed his phone and frowned as he had received a text from Zayn.

Hey Lou! You busy today? Mind if I come over? - Zayn

Louis' frown deepened. He didn't want to say no to Zayn but it's not a good time. Louis quickly tells Zayn that today he should just spend the day with his boys and that he's sorry. He gets dressed and walks down the stairs to see the boys sitting at the table.

"Did you boys have a good sleep?"

"Yes dada! But tummy want food now". Louis chuckled lightly.

"I know Ni, would you boys like some pancakes?" Harry and Niall cheered happily and Liam smiled gratefully as Louis got the pan out with the mix.

"Daddy did Santa really not come this year?" Louis dropped the spatula and took a deep breath.

"I don't think so Haz".

"Why does everything bad happen to us this year daddy?" Louis could hear the sound of Harry's voice cracking and tried to hold the tears back.

"Hey Haz, do you want to go outside today and we can make a snowman? I think I saw it was snowing". Louis' shoulders dropped with relief as Liam changed the subject.

"Yes! And snow angels too!" Louis smiled and continued to make the pancakes, setting them on the table along with plates and toppings. They ate in mostly silence and got dressed in their warm gear before heading outside. They had a small snowball fight as Louis held Niall on his hip, as they all laughed, chuckled, fell over and for the first time in six months, had a good time. Liam was having a great time, laughing for the first time in months. Harry had mostly forgotten about what they had talked about that morning and Niall wouldn't stop chuckling. As for Louis, he was happy. He finally was having a good time with his boys and he couldn't have asked for anything more. Zayn texted him over fifteen times and he was beginning to get annoyed because he thought he made it perfectly clear that he wanted to spend his day with his kids. Was it really that hard to understand?

Louis had gotten Harry and Niall a movie each and Niall had insisted they all watch his so they were sitting on the lounge room floor watching Madagascar, Europe's Most Wanted. Niall was sitting on Louis' lap with his head hung lo was he had fallen asleep. Harry was sitting next to Louis with his head rested on Louis' arm also seeming to be fast asleep and Liam sitting right beside him, hogging all the popcorn. Not that Louis minded. Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Louis gently placed Niall on the floor, Harry's head resting above Niall's as he quietly made his way to open the door. He was shocked to see Zayn with bloodshot eyes, creased clothes and a tear stained face.

"Louis". Zayn's voice trembled and his eyes watered.

"Zayn? What's wrong?"

"I...it's..." Zayn let some tears drop.

"Okay, just sit on the couch and I'll put the boys to bed. I'll just be a minute". Zayn nodded and made his way to the couch as Liam glared at him. Louis carefully carried Niall up to his room, tucking him in and doing the same with Harry before grabbing a glass of water and walking back to the lounge room. "Liam, I need to talk to Zayn. Can you just go up to your room for a bit?"

"you can't be serious dad!" Louis frowned. "It's Christmas! You're meant to spend the day with family not.." He glared at Zayn again. "Not a stranger!"

"Liam, please".

"I can't believe you!" Liam ran up the stairs as Louis called out to him but jumped as Liam slammed his door.

"I-I'm s-so-s-sorry Louis". Zayn sobbed and rubbed the tears away furiously. "I-I'll g-go". He went to stand but Louis pulled him back on the couch.

"You came here for a good reason Zayn. What happened?"

"I...I saw m-my ex t-today. H-he s-said.." He took a shaky breath. "He said he wants me back b-but I refused and...he...he started to t-touch me.." Louis put the pieces together and refrained from gasping. "I-I tried to stop him but...h-he's so strong and.." Zayn squeezed his eyes shut from the memory. "I c-couldn't s-stop him".

"Zayn I'm so sorry! I didn't know".

"I'm sorry f-for ruining your day". Louis didn't know but Liam was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, listening to the entire conversation with guilt flowing through him. He didn't mean to get so angry. He was just finally having a great time with his dad and it ended too quickly. He never wanted it to end. He wiped the few tears away and quietly walked up the stairs to his room, looking at his phone. He had a lot of twitter notifications of insults. He opened twitter of course. As much as the hurtful words pained him, he still looked. The only ones that ever caught his eye was from Jack. He has brown soft hair that he just ran his hands through and smoothed it over to the side. He has soft blue eyes and a smile to die for. Liam didn't know why Jack hated him so much. But it hurt. So, he did what he's been doing the past six months. He cut himself. He had many scars scattered over his arms but he liked the pain. It was nice for him. Louis didn't have a clue on what Liam was doing. No one did. Liam didn't have any friends. He had no one. He's just a screw up. He knew he was the reason his fathers company was going down. He was the reason his mother died. He was the reason everything was messed up. That's all he ever thought about. He was no longer the freak who lost his mother at school. Now he was just the gay freak. But Louis didn't know any of this. Liam hoped he would never find out.


	5. Chapter 5

Louis comforted Zayn all night as Zayn cried and cried. Louis felt so guilty for not texting Zayn back. He kept thinking if only he had maybe nothing would have even happened. Zayn would have been perfectly safe. The protection instinct Louis had over Zayn was strange for him. He had only met Zayn maybe three weeks ago and it was odd. He couldn't deny that.

Louis stroked his fingers through Zayn's hair as they lay on the couch, Zayn resting on Louis' chest and sleeping soundly. Louis couldn't help but admire how Zayn looked as he slept. He just looked so peaceful.

"Dada?" Louis quietly shushed his youngest and carefully moved Zayn's head to the couch so he could stand and take Niall to another room, lifting him. Niall tucked his head in Louis' neck as he sucked on his thumb. "Why Zayn here dada?" Louis sighed. He couldn't tell his toddler that his new friend was raped by an ex. That would just be wrong on so many levels.

"He's just a bit sad that's all".

"Did Zayn lose mumma too?" Louis' lips turned down slightly.

"No baby". He kissed Niall's temple and put the kettle on. "He's just not very happy".

"He happy if I give him bear?" Louis smiled slightly and nodded.

"Okay, but be quiet okay? And don't wake him up". Niall nodded and scrambled around in Louis' arms to be let down, running up to his room as he got his stuffed toy. Louis was stuffed as he had not yet slept at all and had a lack of sleep the night before due to Christmas morning so if any sort of drama happened, Louis would go crazy. He was hoping his work wouldn't call him in because he really wasn't in the mood.

Niall and Harry came running in the kitchen and hugged Louis' legs.

"Daddy why do you have purple lines under your eyes?" Louis ruffled Harry's curls.

"Daddy didn't get much sleep. That's all".

"Daddy why Liam not up?" Louis frowned as he looked at the time. It was already half past ten so that confused Louis. Why wasn't Liam up?

"I'll go and check on him. You two, just play quietly and don't wake Zayn". He sternly said as he turned and walked up the stairs. He opened Liam's door slowly and stepped in. "Li?" He walked over to see Liam still sleeping. He was about to turn and walk out until he saw the blood patch on the sheet. Louis hesitantly lifted it and stared in horror at the bloody gashes that covered Liam's arm. "Oh my god". He ran his hands through his hair as he was in shock. How had he not known? How long had this been going on? How could he not know his son was harming himself? Was he really that terrible of a father? What else was Liam hiding from him?

Liam groaned and began to stir as Louis sat on the other side of the room, tears filled his eyes as he watched his son in complete shock. As Liam saw his father sitting there with watery eyes, he looked down to his exposed arm and panicked. His dad wasn't supposed to find out. No one was. Now he felt guilty because the look on his dads face wasn't a look of disappointment. It was a look of sadness and shock. It was like the look Louis had when he first found out his wife passed. But this was different to that. Liam was cutting himself. He was deliberately drawing blood from himself and Louis felt it was his fault. Maybe he hadn't payed enough attention to Liam and he could have stopped him. Maybe he hadn't spent enough time with Liam. Maybe he had been mourning over his wife's death for too long.

"Dad I-"

"Why?" Louis' voice came out dry. He couldn't think of anything else to say. He just couldn't believe it.

"I'm sorry". Liam's eyes watered as he looked down, not wanting to meet the pain his fathers eyes held. Louis got up off the floor and sat on the bed, pulling Liam into his chest.

"Please never do it again. Talk to me".

"I try. But you're so busy with Niall and work and then Zayn...I'm sorry dad. I'm sorry for yelling last night. I didn't know..." Louis frowned.

"Know what?"

"That Zayn was raped". Louis heard heavy footsteps and the slam of his front door and regret filled him knowing Zayn heard. But he would have assumed something like Louis telling Liam or Liam looking at him differently. "God I'm such a screw up! I just mess everything up don't i?" Liam angrily pulled at his hair and Louis pulled Liam's arms away.

"Hey, don't do that. You're not a screw up okay?"

"Dad..My friend told me he wanted to come over today. Would that be okay?" Louis smiled and nodded, not knowing this 'friend' was actually Liam's bully and first crush.

"Of course! Have fun with your friends". Liam smiled and nodded, Louis leaving the room for Liam to get ready. In the next hour, there was a knock on the door and Louis opened it.

"Hello Mr. Tomlinson, I'm Jack". The boy smiled and held his hand out for Louis to shake.

"Hi Jack, nice to meet you. Liam is just up in his room". He nodded and Louis watched him walk up the stairs with a smile. Liam hadn't had a friend over in so long it made Louis feel happy.

"Dada we watch Madagascar?" Louis sighed but nodded as Niall dragged him to the lounge room. As they were half way through the movie, Louis didn't hear the front door open and close as Liam and Jack had been extra quiet and snuck out. Of course Louis got suspicious and went up to see Liam's room was empty and began to panic, messaging Liam with worry as his son was now missing. Harry sat at the table, drawing, completely oblivious to anything whilst Niall fell asleep for one of his daily naps. Liam didn't answer and Louis began to panic even more but what he didn't know was that Jack had told Liam he liked him also, and took Liam for a walk, only to humiliate him in front of most of Jack's 'followers' and friends. Liam felt completely humiliated as he stood with all these people laughing at how oblivious he had been that he really thought Jack liked him when this was all a dare. It was all just a stupid dare. Liam was sick of this. He was sick of it all. What did he ever do to deserve this? Why did everyone hate him? He ran home as quickly as he could without falling over and slammed the door shut, running towards the stairs but was stopped by a large form with strong hands.

"Liam? What happened?" Liam wrapped his arms around his father as he seeked comfort and love. He couldn't believe he had trusted Jack. He felt so stupid. "You scared the hell out of me". Louis pushed his fingers through Liam's hair as he soaked Louis shirt with his tears.

"I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry".

"Shh it's okay you're okay". Louis didn't know what happened, but he knew one thing, he wouldn't be leaving Liam alone for a while now.


	6. Chapter 6

Liam was very quiet and distant the next few weeks. He never told Louis what had happened out of shame and embarrassment. Louis hadn't heard from Zayn at all either and he was beginning to feel as though he was alone again. All he had at that moment was Niall and Harry, then when Niall took his nap and Harry was playing with his toys, he just felt so alone. So so alone. He took the day off because he just wasn't feeling up to working today so he was sitting alone in his lounge room as the boys were at school and day care. Louis wasn't in a great place right now. He has been wearing the same clothes for almost a week now. A white tshirt and dark grey sweatpants. He couldn't find the motivation to have a shower and get into clean clothes. It was hard for him. The more alone he felt, the more he thought about his wife. Today he thought of that day. The day everything fell apart.

~..~..~..~..~

Louis sat at the table with Liam whilst helping with his maths homework when a car pulled in front of their house. It could be heard from the front room which Niall and Harry were playing in and Louis listened to the small feet paddling on the floor towards the front door.

"Mumma home!" Niall squealed.

"Mummy!!!" Harry cheered. Harry opened the door and they came to a stop as they saw a man and woman standing there with sad and pitiful expressions. Louis felt it was strange he hadn't heard the boys any longer or Jenny talking to them about their day. He told Liam he'd be right back and walked to the front door. He panicked as he saw the police uniforms and rushed to the boys sides.

"Mr. Tomlinson?" Louis nodded, swallowing the developing lump in his throat.

"Yes?" He watched them with panic as they looked to Niall and Harry with saddened eyes.

"We're afraid your wife has-" Louis' eyes welled up.

"No". He shook his head as his bottom lip trembled. "Please no".

"We're so sorry".

"Ho-"

"Would you mind if we come in?" Louis nodded and pulled the boys aside.

~..~..~..~..~

That was a terrible day. Louis had to try stay strong for the boys. Jenny had been leaving her work when she was hit by a car and there was nothing they could do. That was it. She couldn't be saved.

~..~..~..~..~

"Niall, mum has gone to a special place".

"When mumma come back?" Louis took a deep breath.

"I don't think she's coming back".

"Why did mumma leave?" Louis watched as Niall looked up innocently as he didn't understand why his mother would have left them without saying goodbye or why she wouldn't come back because she promised to read him a story when he went to bed.

"I don't know baby".

~..~..~..~..~

Niall still thought his mother was on a holiday and he still believed she would come back soon. Niall was only three years old so it was hard to believe he would understand anything.

Louis was startled as his phone began ringing and he answered with a quiet hello.

"Mr. Tomlinson you're over an hour late to pick up Niall". Louis looked at the time and mentally cursed.

"I'm so sorry! I'll be there in five minutes". He hung up and scrambled to get shoes on before getting in the car and driving to the daycare. He didn't realise yet that he was meant to pick up Liam and Harry as well but two hours ago and the thought that they hadn't arrived home yet didn't even come to Louis' mind. He rushed into the day care and took a crying Niall from Natalie.

"What's wrong Ni?"

"I think he thought you left like his mother". Louis froze at the mention of her and Niall whimpered.

"Dada late!"

"I'm so sorry Ni". He pushed Niall's hair back and thanked Natalie before getting in the car and driving home. What Louis didn't know is that Liam and Harry waited for an hour in the car park before realising their dad wasn't coming and they began to walk. They were stopped though when Jack and his friends decided to have some fun with Liam while Harry watched. They pushed and shoved Liam as Harry stayed back with wide eyes that were filled with fear. He watched the boys hit his brother and kick him, laughing at how "pathetic" and "gullible" Liam had been by actually thinking someone loved him.

"Stop!" The boys stopped and looked at Harry's angry expression before bursting out in laughter.

"Aww what's little Harry going to do?"

"I'm so scared!"

"We better stop if he says so boys we don't want to get hurt". They continued to laugh and Harry began fuming.

"Leave Liam alone!"

"He's gay. Harry your brother needs help. He's sick. It's disgusting!" Jack spat.

"No! He is not!"

"Harry, when a boy likes a boy it's wrong. Liam likes boys so he's gross". Harry looked at Liam with sad eyes.

"But Liam is my brother".

"But he's got germs Harry". Liam watched Harry with worry as Harry began considering thinking of his brother as a gross and disgusting person. He didn't know what any of this meant. "Here, hit him".

"No! Daddy said hitting is bad".

"But Liam was bad. Shouldn't he be punished?"

"Harry!" Harry looked over to Liam's pleading expression. "Don't listen to them. They're lying!" Harry looked back as Jack angrily and kicked his leg.

"You piece of shit!" Harry ran over to hide behind Liam. "Stupid rich kids". One of Jack's friends muttered as they walked away.

"I'm sorry Harry. Let's get home yeah?" Liam limped beside Harry as they made the rest of the way home.

"Liam?"

"Yeah Haz?"

"Why do they say those things about you?" Liam sighed sadly.

"I don't know".

"They're mean". Liam smiled down at his younger brother and nodded.

"Yeah. They are huh?"

"Do you think daddy is okay?"

"He will be". Harry frowned.

"I think he's sad without Zayn".

"Maybe he is Haz. I really don't know". Harry looked up to Liam.

"Why don't you like him?"

"I do like him. It's just hard okay?" Harry nodded. "Let's get inside". As soon as Louis saw Liam he jumped up and examined every cut and bruise.

"What happened!?"

"Mean boys daddy". Louis helped clean up Liam's cuts and they all sat in the lounge room, watching The Lion King. Louis continued to give worried glances at Liam but smiled as his three boys were cuddled up together, sleeping soundly as they were tired from a long day and soon Louis drifted off too. All of them huddled together.


	7. Chapter 7

"Dada I bath?" Louis picked Niall up and nodded.

"Yeah baby. Come on Haz it's bath time". Louis began to walk up the stairs and Harry followed.

"But daddy I'm seven now! I'm eight in few days why can't I shower now? I'm a big boy!" Louis chuckled lightly.

"Alright Haz. You can shower if you want to". Harry grinned widely as he ran up the stairs to the bathroom, waiting for Louis to help him turn the water on. He had already stripped down when Louis reached the bathroom and set Niall down, turning the baths water on before helping Harry. He set Niall in the bath as Harry stepped in the shower and Louis began washing Niall's hair as he played with his toys, laughing and giggling. Louis watched Niall as he admired how cute Niall was and how happy he was right at this moment and cherished it. "Love you Ni". Harry stood under the water with his head down, quiet sniffles and whimpers escaping him as he listened to his father and younger brother have fun together. He felt as though Louis had forgotten about him. He wanted his father to wash his hair. He didn't know how to do that yet. Louis always washed his hair just like how his mother always cooked dinner. But that ended didn't it? Was Louis going to leave now? Who would then cook Harry's dinner and help him wash his hair? Or drive him to school and hold him when he's upset? Who was going to help him with his homework?

"Love you too dada!"

"Haz you okay?" When Louis got no response, he frowned and walked over to the shower. "You've been in there a while". He opened the door and Harry kept his head down. "What's wrong bud?"

"Dada I finished! Out!" Louis turned his attention to Niall who was attempting to stand, almost slipping before Louis grabbed him.

"Have patience Niall! You could've hurt yourself!" Niall looked down, feeling guilty.

"Sorry dada". Louis set Niall down and dried him, replacing his nappy and pulling on his dinosaur pyjamas, watching him waddle away.

"Haz? Are you gonna come out of the shower or what?" Harry opened the door again and stepped out, keeping his head down. "Did you wash your hair?" Louis ran his fingers through Harry's wet hair, smelling it. "Haz why haven't you washed your hair?" He then heard the small sniffles escaping Harry and began to feel concerned. "What's wrong?" Louis lifted Harry's head to face Louis. "Why are you crying mate?" He wiped away the tears from under Harry's eyes. "Haz I need you to tell me what's wrong or I can't help you". He pushed Harry's wet hair away from his eyes.

"I...I don't know how to wash my hair. You always wash my hair". Louis' eyes widened in realisation.

"Oh I'm so sorry Haz".

"And mummy always made dinner but she left. Are you going to leave too daddy?" Harry looked up to Louis with wide, innocent eyes that had a slight sign of worry and fear. Louis felt guilty as he made his son believe he would leave.

"No! I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise. I'm sorry I didn't help you. I thought you didn't want help". Harry whimpered.

"I miss mummy". Louis' eyes watered as he watched his broken son mourn over the death of his mother yet again. It pained Louis to see them in so much pain. It just hurt.

"I know bud. I miss her too. Do you want me to help you wash your hair? Or do you just want to go to bed?"

"Sleep daddy". Louis nodded and handed Harry his pyjamas, leaving the bathroom to check that Niall was in bed and waiting patiently. Of course the three year old was sitting on the floor playing with his Woody from Toy Story.

"Buzz ligtear to rescew!" Niall made little flying noises as he flew buzz around his room and Woody rode on the horse. "Don't worry Mr. Pat head! We save you!" Niall hit the evil bear and pushed all his toys towards Mr. Potato head. "Yay Mrs. Pat head we save him!" Louis smiled as he watched Niall play happily, not crying or stressing of the no longer existing mother figure he once had and just having fun. Louis loved to see his kids happy and this was one of those moments he didn't want to forget. So, naturally, he got his iPhone out and recorded Niall. "Oh no! Look evil bear found us again! Quick get to ship!" Niall rushed over to his bed with all his toys in his arms and cuddled them close. "Shh we not want Mr. Bear to find us!" He raised the bear behind him and squealed. "Ahh oh no! Buzz help!" He got Buzz's laser out and pointed it to the bear. "Ininty and boynd!" Niall flew buzz up and continued to laser the bear as he pushed the bear off the bed. "Yay Buzz save us again!" He grabbed Woody and a piece of string. "Don't worry, Mr. Bear won't be hurt anyone no more! Sheriff Woody here to help!" Niall let out little cheers and Louis' smile widened.

"Okay Ni! Time for bed!"

"Dada!" Niall pouted as he stared at the phone which was still recording. "I not finished with saving Mr. Pat head! Mrs. Pat head will be sad like dada be-because she lose dada!" Louis' smile faded and he stopped recording, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"Oh Ni, come on I'll tell you a story okay? It is bed time". Niall nodded and scrambled up, crawling on his bed and lying down. Liam was sat just outside the room with Harry next to him as he comforted his younger brother and listened to his father talk. "Once upon a time, there was a very happy family. Mummy and daddy had three beautiful children and lived in a big castle! One day, mummy was coming home from her big work where she gets lots of money and a car hit her. Daddy and their three beautiful children are very sad and lost the mummy".

"Sad dada!" Niall pouts and Louis nods.

"But then, daddy meets someone!" Niall's eyes light up. "They become very good friends and he helps daddy with the struggles he has to go through and most of all, he makes daddy feel happy again!"

"They get married?" Louis smiles slightly.

"The story hasn't ended yet baby". Niall nods and Liam smiles as he rubs Harry's back soothingly. "They don't talk for a little while. And daddy begins to feel very lonely and unhappy again. But with his three beautiful children, he couldn't want anything more than to see them happy".

"Good story dada". Louis smiles and kisses Niall's forehead.

"Goodnight baby. I love you".

"Loves dada too!" Louis leaves Niall quietly and turned the light off, slightly startled as he sees Liam and a fast asleep Harry on the floor.

"I'll take him to bed. You should go and call him". Louis frowns at Liam in confusion. "Zayn dad. Go". Louis nods in realisation.

"Oh...Okay..." He pulls his phone from his pocket and clicks on Zayn's number without hesitation as he walks to his room and closes the door, lying on his bed.

"Hello?" Louis smiled in content and breathes out a small 'hi'. It's just so good to hear Zayn's voice again.


	8. Chapter 8

"Louis I don't-"

"Shh Zayn!" Louis pulled him in and closed the door.

"What if Liam sees me?" Zayn watched the stairs with worry that the thirteen year old would cuss and yell again.

"Calm down! He told me to call you". Zayn frowned in confusion because he was almost one hundred percent sure the boy hated his guts. "I've been lonely lately. I'm quite confused too but just go with it". Louis smiled assuringly and Zayn sighed, nodding. "Good. Would you like a drink? Something to eat?"

"Ah, actually, I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out?" Louis' eyes widened slightly.

"Go out?" Louis squeaked. Zayn chuckled lightly.

"Yeah, y'know like have some fun, go dancing, have a drink?" Louis smiled lightly.

"Okay. Just let me call Rachel". Louis called his usual baby sitter whom agreed to look after the boys so Louis could go out and loosen up a bit, she too thought that as she could see how tense and stressed Louis was. Louis dressed in some black skinny jeans, black vans and a black t shirt, Zayn licking his lips as he looked Louis up and down. "Would you stop undressing me? You perv!" Zayn smirked and shook his head.

"Nope! Cmon sexy lets go". Louis blushed lightly and followed Zayn down the stairs.

"Okay so if Niall wakes up just give him some warm milk and he'll go back to sleep quickly and if Harry starts to ask where I am just tell him I'll be here when he wakes up and that I love him oh and-"

"Louis! Go! I'll be fine". Rachel smiled and Louis nodded, beginning to walk but went to turn and say something else, not even getting a word out before Rachel cut him off. "Louis would you go out already!" Rachel pushed him out the door and closed it, Zayn chuckling lightly at Louis' stunned face.

"Let's go". Zayn grabbed Louis' wrist and pulled him to the car, driving to a club that was nearby and smiling as he and Louis got out the car. They walked into the building with pumping music, making the walls racket and the floor vibrate, hundreds of sweaty bodies grinding against each other as drinks spilt and were sculled down. Zayn pulled Louis over to the bar as he ordered them each a cocktail and drank as they watched the sweaty others grind away, kissing roughly and one pulling another towards the exit or bathrooms sporting major boners that were almost impossible to hide. After practically sculling down eight to nine drinks, alcohol pumped through their veins as they began enjoying the music more and more. "Dance with me" Zayn slurred and Louis only nodded as Zayn pulled him to the dance floor in between other men that were grinding together, pulling Louis close and both of them swaying their hips. Deep down, the sober part of Louis continued to tell him this is wrong. That it wasn't right on Jenny. It wasn't right on the boys. But drunk Louis pushed that away. He didn't think, he just did.

Zayn pushed his forehead against Louis', their rugged breaths mixing as they continued to sway to the beat. It wasn't long before they were staring at each other's lips with want and pressing them together softly. Louis wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck and tugged at his hair as Zayn wrapped his arms around Louis' waist, pulling him closer, the kiss becoming more heated. Louis bucked his hips up, making contact with Zayn's crotch as they both moaned.

"Go?" Louis nodded as Zayn pulled away. "Now?" He nodded again, they're desire and lust filled eyes never leaving each other as they made their way out the club, calling a taxi. It wasn't long before Louis was pushed up against Zayn's now closed front door, jumping up to wrap his legs around Zayn's waist and arms around Zayn's neck as they snogged with tongue, lips and teeth, Louis eagerly moving up and down to create more friction between them. He pulled at the hem of Zayn's top, tracing his fingertips over Zayn's toned abs and pulling it over his head, him doing the same to Louis before their lips reattached.

"Too many clothes". Louis groaned as he unbuckled Zayn's belt and Zayn carried him to the bedroom. He gently lay Louis down and hovered over him, pulling his jeans off and Louis'. Zayn sat back and admired Louis' slightly muscular body, his small amount of a tummy and his lust filled blue eyes. He kissed lightly down Louis' neck, creating a massive purple bruise before continuing down his chest, leaving open mouth kisses as Louis grew impatient, bucking his hips. Zayn pulled Louis' boxers off, putting his fingers to Louis' lips as Louis smothered them in his saliva. Zayn spread Louis' legs wide and slid his finger in, thrusting it in and out before adding more, trying to open Louis as much as possible. It wasn't long before he had a condom on and it was smothered in saliva, prodding at Louis' tight muscle. He pushed in, Louis throwing his head back in pleasure but clenching the sheets in pain.

"So beautiful". Zayn whispered before moving out and in. Louis' ragged breathing filled the room as his chest rose and fell rapidly. "Perfect". Louis screamed when Zayn hit his prostate and pleaded for Zayn to do it again because man that felt good. Moans, groans, whines and screams filled Zayn's home as their sweaty skin slapped together with each thrust.

"Fuck Zayn!" Louis threw his head back and closed his eyes in pleasure. "I'm close!" Zayn picked up the pace and they both came at the same time, Zayn pulling out and collapsing on the other side of Louis.

~..~..~..~..~

Louis groaned as his head thumped and his eyes felt heavy, opening them only to squint from the daylight. He rubbed his head with a grumble and slowly sat up, taking in his surroundings. Zayn was soundly sleeping with his arm draped over Louis' waist - low enough for Louis to be able to sit up - clothes thrown in different places and a wrapper on the floor. Louis' eyes widened in realisation and he jumped out the bed, pulling his boxers on.

"Shit!" He pulled his jeans on and went to walk out the room.

"Lou?" He stopped and turned to see Zayn frowning. "Where 're yah goin'?" Louis gulped, not knowing what to say as guilt built up in him.

"I-I'm sorry. This was a mistake". He muttered lowly, avoiding eye contact. "I-I have to go". He rushed out the room, quickly pulling on his tshirt that was thrown to the ground, grabbing his shoes and rushing out the door. Within fifteen minutes, he was walking into his home to hear Niall screaming, Harry whimpering and Rachel pleading. He walked into the kitchen and was met with a very furious thirteen year old. Liam could tell Louis was hungover. It was written all over Louis' face. Niall held his arms out for Louis and Harry stopped whimpering. "Ah...morning". Liam's cold face didn't change. He was angry at Louis. It was a school night, Niall was very clingy lately and Harry believed Louis was going to leave. It was a very bad idea for him to go out. He felt so stupid. Liam pushed past him and called Harry to follow, slamming the front door and leaving only Louis, Rachel and Niall. "Rachel I-"

"Save it Louis. You said you'd be back. I missed my first job interview for a manager position. Do you know how much of an opportunity that was?"

"I-I'm so-" Rachel shook her head sadly.

"Don't. And don't ask me to babysit again either". Louis watched Rachel leave and picked Niall up.

"You're not mad at me, are you Ni?" Louis asked sadly, guilt pulsing through him as he sighed. What had he done?


	9. Chapter 9

Louis frowned as he stared at the text he had just received. He didn't even realise what he had done yet. He was lost on what was even going on in his head. The day care had told him he wasn't able to bring Niall in anymore as he hadn't payed the fees for over a year. He thought that was Jenny's job. Before it happened. But she must have forgotten and after she passed, Louis hadn't had a thought about it. He was angry at himself. He just couldn't do anything right. He betrayed Jenny. He felt dirty. He felt guilt. He left his kids, knowing how clingy Niall was. How much Harry was scared of Louis leaving and how Liam would be angry. He knew. He left with knowing all of this. Why was he so stupid? And then there's Zayn. The way he left. Zayn's pained, hurt expression as the words tumbled from Louis.

"Dada?" Louis looked down to Niall with a few tears rolling down his cheeks. He smiled weakly. "You sad?" Niall looked up at his dad with worry as he saw the tears. He crawled onto his fathers lap and took Louis' face in his chubby hands. "You no cry. Niall make dada happy?" Niall kissed Louis' forehead and frowned when Louis didn't smile or laugh. "Dada smile!" Louis' phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket.

"Louis speaking". Niall looked up to Louis sadly.

"Mr. Tomlinson, we need you to come in". Louis looked back to Niall and sighed.

"Is it urgent?"

"Yes sir". Louis closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch, running a hand through his hair.

"I'll be there soon". He hung up and looked back to Niall. "I have to go into work".

"I go daycare?" Louis shook his head making Niall frown. "Where Niall go?"

"I don't know yet bud". Louis got his phone out and dialled a few numbers, receiving the words 'I'm busy' or 'I'm working' or the one from his mother that consisted of the words 'I'm sorry boo' and 'I'm flat out'. Louis really didn't know what to do now. He stared at Zayn's name with a small frown, contemplating whether or not to even bother.

"Dada? What wrong?" Niall was completely clueless on what was going through Louis' head.

"Can you please get your shoes on for me?" Niall nodded and Louis watched as he ran to his shoes. He tapped on Zayn's name and held his breath as the phone rang.

"Hi you've called Zayn. Pl-" Louis groaned and hung up, trying again and getting no answer. He tired another five times until the sixth time someone answered.

"Thank god! Look Zayn I-"

"Fuck off Louis". The familiar beeping rang through his ear again and he felt his eyes well up. Why did he say that to Zayn? Why did he just leave like that? What has he done? Zayn's voice was all broken and he sounded dry like he had been crying ever since Louis left.

"Dada I forget". Niall ran in the room, holding his shoes up for Louis to help him. Once they were both coated up with shoes on, Louis lifted Niall and locked the house up, driving to work. He had never taken Niall into work before. He's never had to deal with a situation like this.

"Oh my gosh is that Niall!?" One of Louis' workers rushed over to them and Niall tucked his face in Louis' neck to hide.

"Hi Lucy. Where's Dan?" Lucy cooed at Niall cutely.

"He's in meeting room three. Would you like me to look after little Niall here while you work?" Louis frowned.

"No thank you. You can get to work". Louis made his way to the meeting room and set Niall down on the floor with a few toys in the corner. He sat in his chair as all his workers looked at him in surprise. "So what was so urgent?"

~..~..~..~..~

They all ate dinner in silence apart from Niall telling Harry and Liam about his big trip to his Dada's work with all the big adults and papers. Liam didn't say a word at all. Harry was a bit more quiet than usual too. Once Niall was washed up and clean, Louis tucked him in and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, closing his door enough for the hallway light to slightly shine through a gap. After Niall, he moved to Harry, tucking him in and pushing his curls back.

"Daddy?" Harry whispered quietly and Louis hummed in response. "Are you going to leave us?"

"No! No baby I would never". Harry frowned.

"I love you daddy". Louis smiled slightly.

"Love you too bud. Have a good sleep". Louis closed Harry's door and was met with a teary eyed Liam. 

"How could you!?" Louis frowned.

"Wha-"

"I can't believe you would just leave like that". Guilt began to build up in Louis.

"Li, I-"

"I can't believe you! Have you really forgotten? Do you not realise how clingy Niall is? How Harry has been so scared of you leaving us like mum did? How I'm hurting myself? How mum has only been gone for eight months and you're already off fucking some man you barely know and forgetting about your still suffering kids?"

"That is not fair!" Louis scolded. Liam scoffed and let a few tears fall.

"Not fair on you? Or us? It's like you don't even miss mum at all!"

"How could you say that!?" Louis' voice came out as a whisper.

"It's true, isn't it!? You're fucking a stranger when you have kids to look after! You're not even helping us with this! You leave and zone out whenever we need your help and you won't even admit it! You don't care!"

"Liam stop". Liam blinked more tears down.

"No! I...I hate you! I HATE YOU! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE! YOU'RE MEANT TO BE MY DAD! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE WHEN I NEED YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" Liam ran to his room, sobs racking his body as he slammed his door shut. Louis jumped as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. He slid down against the wall, his knees bent as he ran a hand through his hair and let a few sobs escape him. "I fucking hate you!" Louis felt completely crushed. Hearing Liam say those words completely broke his heart.

"Daddy? Why was Liam yelling?" Harry peered out his door and Louis looked up to him.

"Go to bed Harry". Harry closed his door sadly and got back in bed, flinching slightly every time he heard a sob escape from his father. Louis got his phone out and dialled Zayn's number, receiving the voice mail again. "Zayn". He sobbed. "I've messed up. I-I've messed up so bad. I'm so sorry". He ran his hand through his hair again and let more tears drop. "I'm s-sorry for the pain I caused you. I'm messed up Zayn. I'm so sorry. I-I'm so sorry". Louis let out more sobs as he curled up on the floor. "I just need someone. I n-need help. I miss her. So fucking much. I'm sorry Zayn".


	10. Chapter 10

_"Liam come on baby join us". Jenny waved over at her eleven year old while Louis held the camera._

_"No one can't get Niall". Niall chuckled as he ran around the grass, Harry and Jenny slowly chasing after him as Liam joined._

_"Not too far Niall!" Louis called out and Jenny laughed lightly._

_"Hun calm down I'm right here with him". Liam grabbed Niall and lifted him, making the two year old squeal. "Got ya Ni!"_

Louis watched with tear filled eyes as his lost wife and kids played together.

_"Daddy why does mummy have to stay in the hospital? Why do we have a baby?" Liam whispered as he looked back from his little brother to the camera Louis was holding._

_"This is your new brother Harry"._

_"You won't forget about me will you daddy?" Liam looked up to Louis with wide eyes and a small pout._

_"Course not Li! You'll always be my big boy"_

 

. ~..~..~

 

_"Liam come here baby". Jenny ushered Liam to her and knelt down next to him. "Lou take a photo of us". Liam smiled widely as Jenny held him tight with a bright smile._

_"Are you excited for your first day?" Liam nodded eagerly._

_"Yes daddy. I'm going to make lots of friends but I will miss you"._

 

Louis let tears drop and sniffed quietly. All these memories just made him hurt so much more. Lottie had taken Niall for the day so Louis could have a break but he did have to beg and plead that she took him just for a day. Niall hadn't even noticed Louis' distressed state. Louis' phone rang and he sighed, answering with a low, depressed hello.

"Mr. Tomlinson?" Louis sat up on the couch.

"Yeah".

"I'm afraid there's been an incident and we're going to need you to come in". Louis ran a hand through his hair.

"What kind of incident?"

"Harry has had an incident and Miss Gorge would like to see you". Louis let out a frustrated sigh and told her he'd be there soon. Miss Gorge was Harry's art teacher so he assumed maybe he had done something inappropriate but that wasn't like Harry. Harry had never gotten in trouble before. All Louis could think as he drove to the school was where did he go wrong?

As he walked into the school, he got many odd looks and stares as he was completely out of place and known as the guy who lost his wife. People pitied him. They felt sorry for him. He hated it. He felt stupid.

"Hello I'm Louis Tomlinson. Miss Gorge needed to see me?" The receptionist gave Louis a sympathetic smile and nodded.

"Yes she's in room 10C, just go right, then left and it's straight down, last door on your right".

"Ah...right. Thank you". Louis went right and left, walking straight down and knocking on the classroom door as he took a deep breath.

"Yes come in". Louis walked in the quiet classroom and stood awkwardly. All early year students were at lunch so he did feel slightly comfortable. "Hi Mr. Tomlinson, please take a seat". They sat at a table across from each other.

"Has something happened?" Louis' tone was full of concern as Miss Gorge let out a sigh and nodded.

"This is so unlike Harry. I couldn't believe my eyes". She placed an A4 sheet of paper in front of Louis and he examined it. There was his family drawn on the paper which Louis would've thought was okay but the words and the way they looked weren't right. There was Louis who had a red face, blue tears on his face as well but was labeled as stupid, angry and sad. There was his mother who had crosses as eyes, labeled as dead. Then there was Liam. He had tears as well as Louis but then there was red lines along his arms, blood puddles beneath him and he was labeled as a fag. Harry looked normal, nothing out of the ordinary apart from his label as angry and stupid. And then Niall had a halo over his head, yellow surrounding him, labeled as a stupid perfect angel and most loved. There was also a small sentence beneath Harry that said 'why do I even exist?'. Louis couldn't stop the tears from falling as he looked over it constantly, trying to wrap his head around it. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a shaky breath.

"Oh my god".

"We don't punish children his age here. It's all up to parents. But Mr. Tomlinson, this is unacceptable. Is there something going on at home?"

"I-I don't know".

"If anything like this happens again, I'm sorry to say but we will have to call child services. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong but for a seven year old this is just.."

"I know". Louis nodded and wiped away the tears quickly. "I'll talk to him".

"Thank you. They finish school in ten minutes so I'm sure he'll be fine. I'm sorry Mr. Tomlinson". Louis noticed their meeting had gone for over an hour and nodded. He grabbed the paper and left the room, sitting in the car and watching for his two kids to come out. He didn't know why Harry did that. He just wanted to know what was going through Harry's little head because wow, his son thought of him as stupid, angry and sad and called his elder brother a fag? Where did he even learn that word? Louis was angry. Of course he was angry. He was damn right outraged. How could Harry make him out to be a terrible parent? No he wasn't the best. He wasn't in the greatest state but he has always and will always love them unconditionally. Then there was the way he described Niall. Stupid perfect angel and most loved? Louis really didn't understand. He believed he had been treating them equally. But maybe he wasn't. Liam and Harry didn't say a word this morning. Maybe Louis was a little harsh with Harry last night. Did he snap too hard? Had he hurt Harry when he was upset?

Louis jumped as he heard the passenger and back passenger doors open and his two boys jumping in, both slamming the doors shut and yanking at their belts. Louis didn't know what to say. He felt slightly uncomfortable. Harry didn't look very happy at all and Liam looked just as pissed off and angry as he did last night. So all Louis did was drive home. He would've asked how school was if Harry's incident had never happened but it did. Louis was still in shock and processing it all. Harry is seven. Only recently. He's seven bloody years old and he's writing the words fag, stupid and he just seems so full of hate, also with drawing cuts on his big brothers arms, and he doesn't know why he exists? Louis felt completely helpless and well, a failure. It's his job to make sure they're happy and well brought up. Especially without Jenny, he had to pay even more attention but he's failing at that. He's trying so fucking hard but there's just nothing he can do right. As soon as they walked through the door, Louis took a deep breath.

"Go to the kitchen. Both of you. We're having a family meeting".

"Well then where is the perfect little angel?" Louis was taken back from Harry's harsh tone and just looked at Harry in shock. This wasn't right. This wasn't Harry. Even Liam looked at Harry with overly wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape.

"Go to the kitchen _now_ ". Louis tried to stay stern but his voice failed him and cracked slightly. Harry was going way too far now. Louis had to find out what's gotten into him because he's just out of control really. Louis got the sheet of paper from his pocket and they sat in silence for a few minutes, Harry slouched with his arms crossed across his chest, a small pout while Liam just sat there comfortably. Louis placed the paper in front of Harry whom looked at it with wide eyes, fear taking over.

"W-where did you get that?" Liam got a small glance at it and his eyes watered as he saw what Harry wrote about him.

"Harry, what's going on?" Harry shrugged. Louis looked over to Liam who had his head on the table, his shoulders shaking and his arms wrapped around his head. It was like a reflex that Louis moved over there and wrapped his arms around Liam's shaking shoulders. "Harry go to your room".

"Why?". Louis flared at him.

"Don't question me. Go". Harry huffed and slowly made his way upstairs. "Liam..."

"He hates me! My own brother hates me!" Louis couldn't even make a noise. He didn't know what to say. He just felt terrible.

"He doesn't hate you shh". Louis rubbed Liam's arm soothingly. Liam looked up to his father and shook his head.

"Don't lie dad". Liam sniffed and shook his head again, letting out a light laugh. "He listened to them. They did it. They got into his head". Louis frowned.

"Liam, what are you talking about?"

"They've finally done it. They convinced Harry".

"What? What did they do Li?" Liam looked up to Louis with glassy eyes.

"They convinced him to hate me". Louis didn't know what to say again. He felt helpless again.

"I'll go get him and we'll have a talk okay? He's not himself". Louis told Harry to come back down and they sat at the table again, a very uncomfortable silence filling the room. "Harry, why did you draw this?"

"Why not? I had to draw my family. That is my family".

"Harry this is not okay. You can't draw or say things like this". Harry frowned.

"But then I am not telling the truth. You always said tell the truth".

"You don't call people a fag Harry. Where did you learn that word?" Harry gave Liam a disgusted glare.

"He is a fag! It's d-disg-...it's gross". Harry struggled to say the long word but Louis wasn't happy.

"Harry Edward Tomlinson you do not say that about your brother!" Harry flinched as Louis used his full name, which never happened unless he was really mad. "You don't say that about anyone! That is bullying and I have not brought you up to treat people that way! You need to get it together or there will be a punishment. And do not refer to Niall that way. He is only three years old and doesn't even know meanings of anything. I love and treat you all equally and you are being very unreasonable".

"That changes nothing. Mum is still dead. She still left us and you might as well too". And ouch. Louis felt as though he had been slapped in the face. Harry just shot both Liam and Louis a glare before making his way back up to his room. Louis didn't feel right. His head was spinning and overloading with every single word that came from Harry's mouth and he didn't think he could stand any longer. All Louis thought before he blacked out was why he is such a screw up.

 

~..~..~..~..~

 

Liam opened the front door and his eyes widened when he saw Jack and a younger boy, around Harry's age standing at his front door.

"W-what are you doing here?" Jack rolled his eyes.

"Zack is here to play with Harry. Y'know they're best friends right?" Liam closed the door slightly.

"I-I don't think Harry is allowed to have anyone over".

"Well why don't I talk to your precious father?" Jack smirked and Liam gulped.

"Ah...h-he's...you c-can't".

"And why is that?" Liam couldn't respond before Jack pushed Zack inside and followed, brushing his shoulder against Liam's harshly. "Go find Harry". Zack ran up the stairs and Jack's eyes brightened in amusement. "This is a nice place ya got fag". Liam flinched at the name. "Where is ya gay father anyway?"

"W-why are you so homophobic? W-what did I d-do?" Jack looked at Liam with sympathy and guilt.

"Y-you didn't do anything". Liam frowned.

"Then why do you hurt me? Why did Zack convince my own brother to hate me?"

"He what?" Liam walked to the kitchen and grabbed the piece of paper, handing it to Jack. Jack's eyes trailed from the paper to Liam's arms and grabbed one. Liam tried to pull away but failed.

"Why?" Jack stared at the healing wounds with a small frown.

"Why do you care?" Liam pulled his arm away. He didn't understand the sudden care he was receiving from Jack. It made no sense.

"I.." Jack couldn't say a word and Liam nodded.

"Right".

"Lia-"

"Please just leave". Jack grabbed Liam's wrist and pulled him back, before Liam could process what was happening, Jack's lips attached to Liam's and of course Liam didn't even hesitate to kiss him back. Jack pulled away and pressed his forehead to Liam's.

"I'm not going anywhere".

Louis groaned as he opened his eyes and slowly sat from the kitchen floor. He was lucky Liam was there to catch him before he hit his head on the corner of the table. He didn't know where he went wrong. He just didn't know anymore.

"Lou? You here?" Louis moaned in response.

"Dada home?" They walked into the kitchen and Louis stood up, taking a smiling Niall from his sister.

"How was he? Was everything okay?" Lottie shrugged.

"He was fine. But I have to go. I'll see you soon". She kissed Louis' cheek and left quickly.

"Dada where leyum and Haz?"

"I'm not sure Ni. How was Aunty Lottie's?" Niall smiled and nodded.

"Good dada!" Louis smiled and kissed Niall's temple, letting him down to the ground.

"Go play I'm checking on your brothers". Niall ran off while Louis made his way up to Liam's room. He opened the door and gasped as he saw a shirtless boy, lying over a shirtless Liam with swollen lips and flustered faces, the boy quickly moving off Liam.

"Ah...I...uh...I..." Jack stuttered as he couldn't find any words to say.

"Ah dad, this is Jack".

"Hi Jack. Nice to meet you". Louis smiled warmly and left the door open. "No more PDA, Niall's home". Louis smiled to both of them and walked away hearing a 'dude your dad is so cool' come from Jack, his smile widening. The only problem Louis felt he had right now was Zayn and Harry. But Harry was more his priority. Harry was not going to get away with any of this. But all Louis could think was, did Harry really want Louis to just go?


	11. Chapter 11

Louis took a deep breath and pressed accept as he held his phone up to his ear.

"Hello".

"Hi Lou". Zayn breathed out and Louis sighed in content. "How have you been?"

"Zayn, I'm so sorr-"

"Lou don't. It's okay I get it". Louis closed his eyes and let out a breath. "So how are you Lou? Are you doing okay?"

"Harry...he's...I don't even know Zayn. I feel like I've failed them. I just can't be a good father. I can't give them all they need".

"Hey don't say that. From what I've seen you're a great father. What has Harry done to make you think like that?" Louis held back the tears and took a trembling breath.

"It's really bad Zayn. His teacher had me go see her and she said if anything like it happens again that she'll have to call child services".

"Oh my god Lou I'm so so-" before Zayn could finish, a terror scream and "Niall!" Was heard with a bang. Louis jumped up and ran towards the stairs to witness Niall falling down the last few stairs, landing on the ground with a thud. "Lou!? Louis what was that?" Louis dropped his phone and fell to his knees beside Niall's unconscious body, his eyes filling with tears.

"H-hello?" Liam picked up the phone with a shaky breath as he just got down the stairs. "Zayn i-it's Niall he...he's hurt". Zayn told Liam to stay calm and call the ambulance and he would be there as soon as possible. Liam breathed out a shaky okay and hung up, dialling the number his mother and father always told him about whenever something bad happened. Louis just watched Niall's unmoving body, knowing not to touch him just incase he did any more damage. He hesitantly hugged Niall as he sobbed lightly, afraid of losing his baby boy.

"Sir can you please let go of him?" Louis shook his head and the paramedic frowned. "We can't help him if you don't sir. Please".

"C'mon Lou". Zayn pulled Louis away who thrashed around, trying to fight Zayn from pulling him away from his little boy but Zayn just held him and soon Louis turned and sobbed against his shoulder. "Shh he'll be okay".

"Do you know what happened?" Louis shook his head and watched as the other paramedic lifted Niall onto a small board carefully and put a spinal collar around his neck.

"I-I do". Liam took a shaky breath as he looked down to Niall. "Harry was yelling at Niall to go away and kept saying stuff to Niall so I walked to his room and Niall was crying saying he would tell on Harry and Harry had a panicked look as Niall ran to the stairs and he called Niall a stupid dibby dobber and shoved him and he..." Louis let out a sob. "He fell".

"I'm gonna kill him". Louis moved to walk up the stairs but Zayn pulled him back. Louis tried to pull away again but Zayn's firm grip stopped him and forced him to look up at Zayn.

"Hey, stop it. You're going to go with Niall to the hospital and I'll stay here with the boys okay? Go with Niall. He needs you right now". Zayn pressed a soft kiss to Louis' forehead. "He'll be okay". Louis could only nod and follow the paramedics to the ambulance. As soon as he was in the back, he held Niall's small hand in his and tried to hold tears back as he watched Niall unconscious.

"Is he going to be okay?"

"He's your baby boy huh?" Louis nodded. "I'm sure he will. He's breathing and we'll have to do X-rays and maybe a few stitches but he should be okay". Niall's eyes opened wide with a loud gasp of air as he froze for a second, the pain rising and he began to scream. Louis was quick to squeeze Niall's hand.

"Shh Ni it's okay. I need you to stay still for me bud okay?" Niall whimpered.

"Hurts dada". His voice came out broken and hoarse.

"Shh I know. We're almost there". As soon as they were rushed into the hospital, they were left in a small cubical and a nurse was quick to get to them.

"Hello Niall my name is Jesse and I'll be your nurse for tonight".

"Dada is that toy story Jesse?" Louis and Jesse chuckled as they watched Niall's amused and excited eyes.

"No Ni".

"Niall can you please wiggle your toes for me?" Niall frowned but moved his little toes. "Good. Your fingers?" Niall wiggled his little fingers and Louis let out a breath with relief. "Very good. We're going to have to get a few X-rays to check that nothing is broken but I'm sure paralysis is out of the picture". Louis nodded and thanked her before they made their way to the X-ray rooms.

~..~..~..~..~

"Okay. Mr. Tomlinson?"

"Yeah". Louis kissed Niall's forehead and walked out the room with Jesse.

"Niall has two broken ribs and a sprained wrist but other than that he'll be okay. He was very lucky".

"So there's no spinal or head damage?" Jesse shook her head with a small smile.

"He's perfectly healthy apart from the broken ribs and sprained wrist. I promise. He's all bandaged up. You'll need to help him bathe and remove the bandages so they don't get wet. We'll provide you with pain killers which may make him a bit drowsy but other than that it'll be fine. Give him the medicine twice a day. One when he wakes and one around dinner time. You can take him home now but make sure he doesn't do much. He has to be on bed rest. I know that will be hard for a three year old but it's crucial". Louis nodded and took the medicine and spare bandages from Jesse.

"Thank you so much". Jesse nods to him with a small smile.

"He's a beautiful boy and you are a great father. I see the doubt in your eyes but don't doubt yourself. You're doing just fine". Louis looks back at Niall and smiles slightly. "You lost your wife?" Louis frowns at her and she smiles half-heartedly. "I can tell. I have an instinct to just know things like this. I mean, I am a nurse at a children's hospital". Louis let's out a low chuckle. "But trust me. You're doing fine".

"Thank you".

"Dada I tired". Louis and Jesse both smile at Niall.

"Okay bud let's get you home". Louis walked back in the room and carefully lifted Niall, trying not to hurt him. "Thank you Jesse".

"Bye bye Jesse". Niall whispered tiredly as he tucked his head in Louis' neck.

"Bye sweetheart. Get better soon".

~..~..~..~..~

Niall had fallen asleep as Louis called a cab and slept soundly the whole way home. As soon as Louis stepped in the door he saw Zayn sleeping on the couch and Liam coming down the stairs.

"Is he okay?" Liam whispered quietly. Louis nodded.

"Yeah but I should put him in bed. Can you put these in the kitchen?" Louis handed Liam the bandages and medicine and made his way up to Niall's room. As soon as he put Niall down, he pushed Niall's hair back lightly and let a tear drop. He could have lost Niall only hours ago and he blames himself. If he hadn't of been on the phone maybe it wouldn't have happened.

"Daddy?" Louis looked back at Harry and felt anger rise. "Daddy I'm sorry".

"Liam!" Louis was desperate for Liam to walk into the room. He was scared.

"What's wrong?"

"Get him away from me before I do something I'll regret". Harry looked at Louis hurt.

"Daddy?" Louis glared at him and looked up at Liam. He dragged Harry from the room and Louis kissed Niall's forehead lightly. He heard Liam's door close and slid down against the wall, letting himself go. He let all the tears fall and sobbed as he ran a hand through his hair. He just couldn't do anything right. He felt Zayn sit beside him and wrap his arms around Louis, pulling him to his chest and rubbing his back soothingly.

"It'll be okay Lou. You'll be okay". They sat like that until Louis cried himself to sleep and Zayn carried him to bed, getting in beside him and hugging him tightly. "I didn't know how to tell you". Zayn kissed Louis' head softly. "I love you".


	12. Chapter 12

Louis was awoken to Niall's screams and cries of pain. Groaning, he carefully removed himself from Zayn's hold and sat up slowly, trying not to get a head rush and slumping to Niall's room. Niall was lying on his bed, still on his back and letting fat tears fall down his cheeks as he whimpered. Louis sat on the edge of his bed and pushed his blonde fringe back.

"Shh it's okay baby why are you crying?" Niall let out another small whimper.

"Hurt dada".

"I know bud. What do you want me to do? It's the middle of the night Ni". Niall let out another sob.

"Don't know dada. Hurt". Louis rubbed his face in frustration and let out a groan. "Dada mad at Niall?" Louis looked to Niall's worried eyes and panicked.

"No! No of course not!" Louis moved closer to Niall and pushed his hair back. "I could never be mad at you Ni".

"Niall love dada". Louis smiled slightly.

"I love you too baby". Louis continued to push his hair back soothingly and hummed lightly.

"I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?"

Niall's breathing steadied and Louis kissed his forehead lightly, tucking him in and quietly left the room.

"You okay?" Louis nodded and got back in bed, Zayn pulling him back to him.

"Niall's in so much pain". Zayn hugged Louis tightly. "I hate to see it. I don't know what to do anymore. What has happened to Harry? What did I do wrong?"

"You haven't done anything wrong. You're a great father Louis". Louis turned around in Zayn's hold.

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just know. Don't doubt yourself Lou. I promise, you're doing just fine".

"I just...I can't help but think that I hate him. I feel so guilty thinking it for a second but I hate Harry".

~..~..~..~..~

"Daddy?" Louis groaned.

"Harry! What did I tell you!? Get out here now!" Harry walked out the room with his shoulders slumped. "Let him sleep. Because of you he had to be up during the night. Because of you Niall could've died. Because of you Louis is doubting himself. So leave him be would you? Go downstairs or to your room". Zayn scowled at Harry and turned his back to him, walking to Niall's room. "Hey Niall, would you like to come downstairs and watch a movie?"

"Yes pwease mr Zayn". Zayn smiled and carefully lifted Niall, walking down the stairs cautiously. Zayn and Niall lay on the lounge while watching Finding Nemo and Liam was out with Jack so Zayn assumed Harry had gone to his room.

Louis lay in bed for a while, feeling confused as the house was pretty silent. Too silent to be normal. It was almost two in the afternoon and he really didn't feel like facing the world. He just wanted to lie in bed all day and stare at the ceiling, completely drama free. He didn't forget the conversation he had with Zayn the previous night. He did feel pathetic and doubted his parenting. It hurt that his wife left them so soon. It was too soon. He did wish she never left. But then again, he would never have found Zayn. He really didn't know why he had such the connection. He really didn't understand what was going on with Zayn. Confusion and frustration is all he felt when he thought about it. He could've sworn he heard the words 'I love you' just before he fell asleep but no way. It couldn't be. He believed he was just making stuff up. It was hard to believe someone would say that to him. What was so loveable about him anyway? Of course Niall loves him. That isn't surprising at all. It's normal and natural for a three year old to love their parent. But now he and Harry weren't on the best of terms and Liam was entering the moody teenager phase, he wouldn't say the words 'I love you' unless it were to the person he's in love with. Louis rarely ever hears those words. Unless it's from the clueless, little three year old, Louis just feels so unloved and unwanted. He just feels useless. Harry's words had stung like a bitch when he told Louis that his mother was gone and he might as well go too. That just felt like a punch in the guts by his own son. It still pained Louis. The words continued to repeat over and over and that was probably what increased the hate Louis was feeling towards him. Subconsciously that is. The past two days Louis just felt as though he didn't want Harry. He just felt hate. He just felt like Harry wanted to cause him pain. That he was trying to hurt Louis. He was beginning to feel as though if he left, the boys would be better off. He truly believes that. He decided he couldn't hide forever after lying there for over three hours staring at the ceiling, his mind racing. He had to face the world sometime. So, at five in the afternoon, Louis finally got out of bed and walked down the stairs. He smiled when he saw Niall and Zayn sitting on the sofa watching Toy Story 2.

"Hey sleepy head". Zayn smirked and Louis smiled lightly.

"Where's Liam and Harry?" Zayn frowned at the mention of Harry whom he hadn't seen for over six hours.

"Liam is out with Jack but I think Harry's been in his room all day". Louis frowned.

"Harry? In his room? All day?" Zayn nodded.

"Yeah?" Louis walked back up the stairs and into Harry's room.

"Harry?" He frowned to see the empty room and looked in the wardrobe and under the bed, finding nothing. "Harry?" He shouted louder but got nothing. "Harry!?" He began to yell now desperate to hear Harry's little voice but got nothing. He raced down the stairs and out the front door, screaming for Harry, his screams echoing through the quiet streets. It was beginning to get dark now and Zayn rushed outside, pulling Louis in.

"Louis calm down. What's going on?"

"He's gone. He's gone. H-he's gone". Zayn frowned and grabbed each of Louis' arms.

"What are you talking about!?"

"Harry's gone". Zayn's eyes widened and Louis began to sob. Zayn grabbed his phone and dialled the number, asking for police and notifying them of a missing child. He gave Louis a tight hug whilst they waited and Louis panicked as every second passed.

"So he's been missing for over six hours?" Zayn nodded.

"H-he has brown, curly hair a-and emerald green eyes and he has the cutest little smile with dimples a-and-" Louis broke off in a sob. "P-please find him. Please f-find my baby".

"We'll try our best sir". The policeman nodded and they began to search. Louis was a wreck to say the least. Zayn had to take Niall to bed while Louis paced around the room, running his hands through his hair over and over, pulling at it in frustration of not knowing where Harry was or if he was safe. For all Louis knew he could be dead.

"Lou calm down". Louis shook his head.

"How the fuck can I!? The last thing I said about him.." He let out a groan. "Fuck...the last thing I thought about him was that I hate him! The last thing I said to him wasn't even directly to him! I had to tell Liam to take him away before I do something stupid! Only yesterday I said I'd kill him! H-how do you expect me to calm down!?" He sat on the couch. "I can't just sit here and wait! Who the fuck knows what has happened to him! He's seven years old and out there...all alone. He's my baby".

"This is all my fault". Zayn whispered angrily. "I'm so fucking stupid".

"I just want my little boy".


	13. Chapter 13

The soul destroying agony of your child dying is only truly known and understood by those who have endured it. Four years on, I still glance down at my sons grave in disbelief. Visiting my child's grave is surreal. It's almost like I've vacated my body and I'm watching someone I don't know standing there putting flowers down.

Is this really my life ?

Only a parent understands the powerful bond you have with your child; that absolute undying love you have and that monumental desire that roars like an open fire inside you to protect that child at all costs. It is openly said that a parent will lay down their life for their child, but it is not until you have your own that you truly understand these fierce emotions. Parenting is wearing your heart on the outside of your body. Whatever you imagine it might be like to have your child die, multiply that by about a trillion and you're probably not even close.

On the surface it appears society is accepting of this unbearable sadness and people are supportive and open to talking about it. However, in my situation I've been surprised by people's genuine kindness and empathy as much as I've been repeatedly shocked & disappointed by their lack of it. It's necessary for bereaved parents to be able to talk and, most of all, be able to talk openly. I've found it's the only thing which dispels the trauma.

Sure, friends and family have been supportive, but it's proven to be the case with me that there is a mandate as for how long their unwavering support, patience, understanding, concern and empathy lasts. The truth is, the situation is so unbearably sad that it becomes incredibly emotionally draining on the other person.

The realisation that they can't fix your sadness sets in, the frustration builds because not even they can see an end in sight, then gradually it starts to impede on the happiness in their life. They haven't lost their child so why should they spend all their time sad about yours?

Losing my son has to be the hardest thing I have ever been through. He ran away and was hit by a truck. Within a blink of an eye, my little boy was gone.

Louis shook his head out of his thoughts and felt he was just about going out of his mind. It was now three hours later and the police had found absolutely nothing. It makes him want to cry to think of something that might happen or if he lost Harry forever. His life would be empty. He doesn't know how he would even be able to live not waking up to him day by day. It's his little boy. He's seven years old and out there in the big world all alone. It was so fucking scary for Louis. He didn't know what to do with himself. Zayn was trying to calm him down but Louis lashed out and may have hit and scratched Zayn a little. But that didn't stop Zayn from staying. He didn't leave Louis. He wouldn't ever even have the thought of that. Louis needed help so that's exactly what Zayn would do.

"Lou you need to stop thinking like that!" Louis shook his head.

"I can't Zayn. What if he does-"

"But he won't. It's Harry Lou! He's a smart kid". Zayn wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulders. "He'll be alright. You're a great father".

"I just wish their mother hadn't of-". Louis stopped talking and Zayn frowned to him. "Oh my god!" He jumped up, startling Zayn slightly.

"What? What is it?" Zayn stood up after him and watched as Louis pulled on his coat and shoes.

"I know where he is". Louis rushed out the door and into his car, turning it on and racing to his destination. He just had a feeling Harry would be there. It was just an instinct you could say. He was really scared. Who wouldn't be really. Losing Harry is the thing that Louis couldn't ever learn to deal with. Losing any of the boys is the worst thing he could think of. They're his world.

As soon as Louis parked hazardly, he jumped out the car and ran towards the place he knows best. He spotted Harry's small figure sitting on the ground with his knees pulled to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them as he rocked back and forth, trying to feel warmer. Louis ran towards him.

"Harry!" Harry turned his head to Louis in shock and stood up, watching Louis run towards him. Louis fell to his knees and pulled Harry into a tight, engulfing hug, breathing in Harry's scent and never wanting to let go. He pushed Harry back slightly but held each of his arms, looking into his eyes. "Never do that to me again. Do you hear me?" Louis pushed Harry's curls from his eyes. "You scared me. What were you thinking Harry?"

"I wanted to tell mummy that I was being very naughty and made you sad and maybe mummy could tell me how to make you happy again. I'm very sorry daddy. It took me a long time to find mummy". Harry looked down sadly. "Do you hate me daddy?"

"No Harry. No. I could never hate you".

"If you don't want me I can go away". Louis let tears fall yet again as he watched Harry's serious expression.

"You listen to me. I do not want you to go anywhere. I love you Harry please never leave me". Harry nodded.

"Okay daddy". Louis sat down and pulled Harry to sit on his lap, hugging him tightly and wrapping his coat around Harry. He kissed Harry's head while letting silent tears fall, knowing he was actually holding Harry right at that moment. He didn't want anything more. He didn't lose his little boy and that was all that mattered to him. "Hello mummy". Louis smiled slightly and kissed Harry's head again. "We miss you". Harry huddled into Louis' chest more. "Daddy has a new friend. His name is Zayn. He's very nice mummy. He cares for daddy so much. I think he loves daddy". Louis froze at those words, remembering the moment he was just about falling asleep he felt he heard Zayn say 'I love you'. But no way. Harry was just a seven year old. He barely knew what love was. "I think daddy loves Zayn too. Mummy please tell daddy he can be with someone? He is very lonely and sad. I like Zayn. He's very nice and cares for daddy a lot. Bye bye mummy. Miss you". Harry looked up at Louis. "Go home with Zayn and Liam and Niall now daddy?" Louis nodded and pushed his face in Harry's hair.

"Yeah bub. Let's go home".


	14. Chapter 14

Harry was practically being suffocated in Louis' arms as soon as they stepped foot in the house. He refused to let go of Harry no matter how hard Zayn tried to pry him off. Harry was quite overwhelmed from the affection his father was suddenly showing him but he wasn't going to complain. Niall was fast asleep due to the late time of ten at night and Liam was still out with his boyfriend which Louis really couldn't care less about at the moment. All that was on his mind was Harry. He couldn't be thankful enough to actually have Harry in his arms right now. His little boy was here, safe in his arms and he couldn't want anything more. 

It took about an hour for Louis to finally accept that they needed to go to bed, Harry more than anyone else due to the fact that it was past eleven at night and harry was only seven. Louis tucked him in and walked back to his room, spotting Zayn sitting on the bed waiting for him. Zayn walked over to him and Louis looked down, trying to avoid eye contact from the uncontrollable guilt he was feeling. Zayn took his face in his hands and looked him right in the eyes. 

"Hey, don't do this to yourself". Louis shook his head.

"It's all my fault". 

"Lou, you need to stop. Don't blame yourself okay?" Louis shook his head again and looked up into Zayn's eyes.

"How can I not? Zayn I'm failing as a father. Not only that but a role model! I'm supposed to show the boys what is right and what is wrong. I'm the person they look up to yet why can't I even succeed at that? I failed at my relationship with you, I failed at being a father, my company is falling rapidly and I'm failing to even take care of myself I can-" Louis was cut off from Zayn's lips pressed against his and stifled a groan. Zayn pulled away but kept his forehead connected to Louis'. 

"You have in no way ruined our relationship. I love you Louis" Louis stared at Zayn with wide eyes as he saw the complete love and honesty filling Zayn's. He couldn't remember the last time someone had said those words with such love and sincerity. It was quite overwhelming for him really. Those words coming from Zayn for some reason made Louis fill with lust, want and maybe a little bit of love. He grabbed the back of Zayn's neck and crashed their lips together, causing Zayn to gasp from Louis' actions but only froze for a millisecond before returning the actions, pulling Louis closer to him with even more need. Louis whimpered as Zayn traced his fingers under the fabric that covered Louis' chest and clung tighter to Zayn whom moved down to kiss Louis' neck softly, looking for that specific spot which he found quickly as Louis gasped. Zayn nibbled down and sucked lightly, marking Louis as his and only his. No one, no man or woman could touch Louis because he was all Zayn's and no one else's. 

"Zayn" Louis half whimpered, half moaned as Zayn licked over the fresh bruise and reconnected their lips. Louis pulled at Zayn's T-shirt and removed it quickly before rejoining their swollen, red lips again. Louis looped his fingers in the belt loops of Zayn's jeans and pulled him closer, smiling in the feverish kiss they were both looped in and jumped up to wrap his legs around Zayn's waist as Zayn caught him, squeezing Louis' ass as Louis moaned deeply. He walked over to the bed and gently lay Louis down, crawling over to him and looking into Louis' eyes with concern. 

"Are you sure you want this?" Louis frowned, unsure on exactly what to say because he was unsure of himself. He didn't know what he was doing lately. So many things he has regretted in his life. He began to think of the last time he and Zayn had been skin on skin affectionate and he instantly knew he did want this. There was no questioning it anymore. He felt something for Zayn that made the want and need for the man around him daily. He needed Zayn daily right by his side. He felt intact and safe and maybe the boys needed another figure to look up to and talk to when needed. So, he nodded. There was no need for words as Louis' eyes said it all. He really did want this and there was no hiding it. "I love you so much Louis. It happened so quickly but I can't go a second without thinking about you. I can't stand not being able to hold you and kiss you everyday. I need you so much I feel like I can't breathe when I'm not with you. Even if you don't feel so strongly about me, I don't care because in my world you're all that exists" Louis looked into Zayn's eyes in aww not able to form any words from the small speech Zayn just made. It only made him want this more. 

"I'm not going to lie Zayn. I like you but I don't..." Zayn smiled and shook his head, nuzzling his nose against Louis'. 

"You do like me, that's all that matters" Louis moved his hands down to Zayn's jeans and undid the button, zipping down the zip and sliding his pants down. They didn't remove their eyes from each other as they removed their jeans and boxers, their arousal for each other clear as their bare skin connected. Louis grabbed Zayn and lined him up against his entrance. "Lou-"

"Please. I don't need it" Zayn was hesitant but began to push in making Louis wince but moan in pleasure. Zayn began to thrust his hips and Louis thrust his to get better friction which definitely worked as they both gasped from the amounts of pleasure that coursed through them. Louis held his bottom lip between his teeth, trying not to scream Zayn's name and wake the boys. It was so much harder when Zayn hit his prostate and he slipped a small whisper of "fuck" But that was it. Zayn whispering how beautiful Louis was and that he loved him was what made Louis' climax. Zayn did right as he watched Louis' overwhelmed pleasure face. They fell asleep quickly as Zayn wrapped his arms tightly around Louis' waist, kissing his neck softly with happiness and content.

 

~..~..~..~..~

 

"Dada! Dada wake!" Niall jumped on the bed. "Mr Zayn wake!" Niall pulled at the sheet and chuckled as he saw Zayn and Louis were cuddling naked. "Wearing no clothes! Why no clothes Dada?" Louis groaned as he felt the cool breeze and his eyes slowly fluttered open to see Niall's curious blue eyes staring at him. "Dada you wake!" Niall's eyes glistened with excitement as he jumped into Louis' arms, knocking Zayn and waking him too. 

"Hey Ni" Louis mumbled and hugged his little boy. 

"Dada arm hurt" Louis mentally kicked himself for forgetting about Niall's pain killers.

"I'm sorry Ni. Go down stairs with Harry and I'll get your medicine okay?" Niall nodded and trotted away. Louis turned around and gave Zayn a chaste kiss before getting out of bed and pulling on some boxers and tracksuit pants. He ran down the stairs to the kitchen and got Niall's pain killers, handing them to him and getting Harry some toast. Zayn came down not long after in just his jeans and Louis had to keep from moaning as he looked over Zayn's naked chest. 

"I'm home!" Louis jumped and watched as Liam walked through the doorway of the kitchen and snapping him from his imagination.

"Hey Li how's Jack?" Liam blushed and smiled. 

"He's good". Louis gave him a knowing look but left him be to avoid embarrassing Liam. Zayn came up behind Louis and wrapped his arms around Louis' waist, his chin on Louis' shoulder and Louis watched as Liam's smile turned to a frown. Zayn pulled from Louis and Kissed his cheek softly. 

"Liam can I talk to you?" Liam gave a wary nod and followed Zayn to the lounge room. Louis followed but stood in the room next to it, just near the door. "Look Liam, I know you don't like me, and I know you hate to see your dad with someone but I love him. I know it's hard because you mum has recently passed, I'm sure she was lovely but look at it this way, maybe I just make your dad happy again. Maybe I'm helping him find some closure from what happened. I'm not saying I'm a replacement or that he's forgetting about her but just to move on and live his life. I know this is really hard for you, but I love your dad and he likes me. Can you just accept that?" Zayn was answered with Liam's thinking expression and sighed. "You don't have to accept me but I won't hurt you or your dad. I have no intentions to replace or make you forget about your mother. Your dad will never forget her and no one can replace her but I just need you to understand that" Liam gave a thoughtful nod and smiled lightly.

"You seem really good for my dad. He needs someone like you". Zayn hugged Liam tightly and Louis stood in the next room with happy tears rolling down his cheeks. "Thank you for helping my dad Zayn".


	15. Chapter 15

Louis got a call that he was needed at work and reluctantly left Zayn to look after the boys. Zayn wasn't that terrified of children anymore. It felt as though the boys were really growing on him. He had ended up playing the Xbox with Liam while Niall and Harry were playing with their toys in imaginary games. 

"Do you ever think about what life would be like if you never broke up with your ex?" Zayn frowned and looked down at the remote. 

"Sometimes". He shrugged and Liam nodded. 

"Why did you break up?" 

"I think you're too young to understand". Liam frowns. 

"I'm thirteen and am in a relationship of my own so I'm pretty sure I'll be fine". Zayn runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

"He cheated on me". Things are quiet for a few minutes. 

"Oh...I'm sorry". Zayn shook his head. 

"Don't be. He was an asshole". Zayn smiled slightly at Liam and let out a small chuckle. Liam moved in quickly and his lips touched Zayn's as soon as Louis stood in the doorway. Zayn couldn't move from the shock he was in as his eyes widened and Louis gasped, feeling his heart tear up inside. 

"What the fuck!" Zayn shoved Liam away staring at him with wide eyes before meeting Louis' pained ones. 

"He came onto me dad!" Louis looked to Zayn in horror and disgust. 

"Get out!" His voice cracked from the tears he was trying to hold back as his bottom lip trembled. 

"No Lo-"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Zayn got up and cautiously walked out the room, out the house and Louis collapsed against the wall letting out a sob. Liam couldn't develop the guts to comfort his dad. He felt guilty. It was his fault his dad was upset. But this was his plan. Zayn needed to go. He was replacing his mum. He was ruining everything. He just had to go. 

"Dada why you cry?" Louis shoved Niall and ran to his room, locking the door and ignoring Niall's cries. Louis didn't know what to do. He felt betrayed. He was angry. He finally opened up and this happened. He grabbed a photo frame and threw it at the wall. The glass shatter filling the room and erasing Niall's cries as Louis grabbed another and threw it with more force. All that went through his mind was how hopeless he was. How unwanted he was. How useless he was. He screamed out in frustration and shoved his fist into the wall, pulling it out to see it all cut open and bleeding. How could Zayn do this? How could he kiss Louis' boy? 

"Ah dad? Grandma is here" Louis' eyes widened and he rubbed his eyes frantically, rushing out his room and down the stairs. Mrs Turner had a stern face and glared at Louis as Liam held Niall, trying to soothe him and Harry looked up to Louis scared. 

"How are my beautiful grandchildren?" She took Niall from Liam and kissed his forehead. 

"Gandma!" Niall squealed happily and hugged her tightly. 

"Louis". 

"H-hello Mrs. Turner". Mrs. Turner had never liked Louis and hated him for taking her little girl away. Mr. Turner had passed away when Jenny was pregnant with Niall but they had a fairly good relationship. 

"Liam darling how are things?" She put Niall down and took Liam's face in her hands, studying his face carefully. "Has your father gone crook? Do I need to take you boys?" Louis' eyes widened in panic as did Liam's but in shock. 

"What? No!" She sighed and shook her head. 

"I should've taken you boys in. This is no good. No good at all". 

"Mrs. Turner what are you saying?" She shook her head at Louis and picked Niall up. 

"Niall how would you like to stay with Grandma?" Louis' eyes widened in shock as she lifted Niall. 

"Yay!" Niall clapped his hands and Louis snatched him from her. 

"You can't just take my kids!" 

"Hey Haz go and pack some clothes for you and Niall for Grandma?" Harry was always taught to never say no to his parents or grandparents so he thought he'd be a good boy for his Grandma and do what she asked. Louis didn't know what to do. He as well as Liam were staring at her in complete shock. "Liam dear, be a good boy and pack a bag for me?" Liam didn't want to stay in the house with just Louis because the guilt would eat him alive. Louis was struggling to breathe as he watched Liam walk up the stairs. He couldn't believe his kids are considering this. He does know Niall wouldn't fully understand and neither Harry but Liam? Within five minutes Harry and Liam walked down the stairs with three bags full of clothes and Niall's bear with sad eyes. They walked out the door and Mrs. Turner closed it. 

"Dad?" Louis rested his forehead on the door and closed his eyes. "I...I love you". Louis let a tear fall. "Dad Zayn didn't kiss me. I kissed him. I'm sorry". Louis listened as Liam walked away from the door. He didn't know what to do now. He can't believe Liam would do that. But his kids are gone. They're not there for him to hold or love. They're just not in the house. His mother in law took them away. He shook his head and locked up the house, jumping in the car. Within the next ten minutes Louis was sat on the ground staring at a familiar grave stone. 

"Hi love. I don't know what to do anymore. I need you babe. Liam is a disastrous teenage boy. I don't know how to take control with him anymore. I know it's what is expected but I just don't know. He kissed Zayn. He's such a sweet guy Jen. I like him, a lot. Li kissed him and blamed it on him too. He knew I'd believe him over Zayn. He knew. Harry went through a rocky patch but I'm pretty sure he's okay now. Niall's still healing from the stairs incident but he's okay. Your mother took them away. She believes I'm not looking after them. I feel lost without out boys babe. I don't..I just feel useless and alone. I feel broken. The company is rising again but everything else is falling apart. I miss you. You were so good at this. Why did you have to go?" 

"Louis?" Louis looked up to see Mike smiling sadly at him. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"I was visiting my mum. How have you been man?" Louis stood and hugged Mike tightly. Mike looked over to the grave and worry ran through him as he realised it was Louis' partner. "Lou I'm so sorry". Louis let a few tears drop. 

"I've missed you so much". Mike sighed and smiled slightly. 

"I've missed you too Lou". Louis looked into mikes eyes and smiled. "You're still beautiful".


	16. Chapter 16

_"Hey sexy" Louis tensed at the seductive voice that happened to be a man. "How about you and I hang out sometime?" He shuddered._

_"Sorry, not interested". Louis sighed in relief when he hadn't heard a peep from the boy for the rest of his first class in high school. He felt very uncomfortable with a guy hitting on him. Like, Louis was completely straight. Boobs, vaginas, the lot. Boys were disgusting...right?_

_The next day Louis found the boy staring at him as he walked in and saw the only seat available was next to him. He mentally cursed and sat down with a huff and crossed arms, looking anywhere but the creepy gay boy. Louis didn't have anything against gays. He didn't mind them but when they began hitting on him it was strange. He didn't like it._

_"Y'know, I don't know what it is but what you're wearing today just makes you even more sexy than yesterday". Louis tensed yet again and glared towards the front. "Playing hard to get is such a turn on". Louis turned to face him and noticed exactly how close the boy was and how green his eyes were. He couldn't utter a word and he had no idea why but this boy had him tongue tied. He smiled sheepishly. "The names Mike". He sent a wink and a cheesy smile Louis' way before walking off as the bell went. Louis couldn't find the will to go to school for around a week. He was scared. He began to see those green eyes in his sleep. His mother forced him to school of course when she decided enough is enough. She didn't know of the boy names Mike and Louis didn't want her to know. His father was homophobic. He couldn't risk him assuming his only son was gay._

_In the next week Mike sent Louis sexy glances that Louis had begun to blush at. He didn't know what was going on but he could feel the heat of his cheeks._

_"So, are you ever going to tell me your name love?" Louis' cheeks reddened and he tried not to smile._

_"It's Louis". He mumbled quietly which caused Mike's smirk to grow._

_"It's nice to meet you Louis. Say, what about I take you out tonight?" Louis looked up at him with wide eyes and went to answer but Mike beat him to it. "Great. See you at 7 love". He smiled politely and slid a piece of paper with his number on it before walking away._

 

-..-..-..-..-..-

 

"Ha ha you're so funny Mikey". Mike shrugs laughing along with Louis. "When did you come back?" Mike's smile faltered slightly and Louis took his face in his hands. "Hey, you don't need to tell me. It's okay. I'm just glad to see you again". 

 

-..-..-..-..-..-

 

_"I'm glad to see you're ready". Mike winked at Louis as he got in the car._

_"Well, where are we going?" Mike's smile faltered as he looked at Louis' angry expression._

_"Is something wrong? We don't have to go. I don't want to force you"._

_"It's a little late for that now isn't it?" Louis remarked sarcastically and Mike saddened._

_"I'm sorry. You're just really beautiful and I really like you and I just never felt like this when I look at anyone. You don't have to go with me". Louis gave Mike a sympathetic smile and shrugged._

_"Let's go". By the end of the night Louis was soaked as was Mike and they were laughing beside the lake next to the picnic basket. "I had a great time". Mike gave him a look of disbelief and Louis noticed how close they were. With a few seconds of looking into Mike's eyes, their lips were together and they were moaning messes._

_"Dad?" Louis' father ushered him into his study. "I-I have to tell you something". Louis fiddled with his fingers nervously and refused to look up._

_"Well? Get on with it!" Louis jumped slightly from the harsh tone and hesitated._

_"I-I'm dating someone"._

_"Well!" Louis jumped from the loud shout of glee. "What's she like? I would love to meet her boy! What's her name?"_

_"W-well I...it's not...h...his name is-"_

_"Wait! His?" Louis looked up in fear and met his fathers outraged face._

_"H-his name is M-Mike. H-he's really n-nice and I-I want y-you to meet him". Louis couldn't register what happened until he felt a massive pain in his stomach and fell to the ground holding it. He looked up to his fathers disgusted face with plea._

_"Get out of my study you disgusting little fag!"_

_Within a month Mike began to notice how quiet Louis had gotten and the small gasps of pain he made when Mike had touched him in specific places and soon figured out what was going on. Mike was very protective over Louis so when he ended up going over to Louis' he made a scene and ended up telling the entire house what Mr. Tomlinson had been up to. Louis' mother divorced and moved out of the house with Louis and his three sisters and Louis began to feel safe again all thanks to Mike. He decided to give himself to Mike for what he had done for him and lost his virginity at fourteen._

_"Mike? What's wrong? You've been acting weird for a week now". Mike wouldn't meet Louis' eyes. "Please talk to me babe"._

_"I'm leaving Lou". Louis' eyes widened with shock and sadness._

_"W-what?"_

_"My mum got a job in New York. I'm moving to America". Louis refused to speak to him for a week and eventually came to accept that this is what was happening. Mike was leaving and that was it._

 

-..-..-..-..-..-

 

"No, um...my boyfriend committed suicide and it just made me think of you". 

"Mike I'm so sorry". Mike shook his head and smiled at Louis. "He left me Lou. It only made me realise what I did to you". 

"Mike don't worry about that. I promise I'm fine. Well, I could be better..." 

"What's been going on in your life Lou?" 

"Well, I met Jenny in high school, we have three beautiful kids. Liam, who is thirteen. Harry is seven and little Niall is three. Jenny passed away last year and I met a boy. His name is Zayn and he's so sweet. Liam didn't like him and kissed him so I would hate him. My mother in law took my boys because apparently I'm not doing good enough. I don't know what to do anymore Mike. I'm so lost". 

"Oh Lou, I would love to meet your kids. I bet they're beautiful, just like you". Louis let out a teary laugh and hugged Mike tightly. 

"You haven't changed a bit Mikey. I've missed you". 

"Louis?" Louis froze from the familiar voice and turned to see the only person he wouldn't want to see this. Zayn.

 


	17. Chapter 17

"Hi babe" Liam smiled in content as his boyfriend's husky voice came through the phone. 

"Hi". 

"What's wrong?" Jack could tell something was up but he just hated the fact that he wasn't there to comfort Liam. 

"Nothing". Jack sighed. 

"Please talk to me LiLi". 

"I...I kissed my dads boyfriend. I did it so he would go. I feel nothing for him I swear but now I feel so guilty". 

"Babe, have you talked to your dad?" 

"I told him it wasn't Zayn's fault but my grandma took us away from him". 

"Oh babe I'm so so-"

"Liam? Who is that on the phone?" 

"My boyfriend". 

"Your what!?" Liam looked at his grandmother with shock as she stalked towards him. "I knew your father was no good! He turned my grandson gay!" She snatched the phone from him and hung up, walking towards the door. "I will help you get better darling don't you worry". She closed and locked the door and Liam sat there in shock. Liam didn't even realise but tears had started to fall. 

"Now boys your brother is very sick and we need to fix him". 

"What do you mean grandma?" Harry looked up curiously as did Niall. 

"I'm afraid he is gay. It is such a sin". She shook her head. Liam received a text and Mrs. Turner opened it. 

 

From: Jack <3

What happened babe? I love you xxx

 

Mrs. Turner looked at the phone in disgust and typed angrily. 

 

To: Jack <3 

You will not see my grandson again you filthy fag

 

"Gandma what wrong wit Lium?" 

"Niall talk properly!" Niall coward away from her with fear. "And stop sooking about your sprained wrist! It's not broken!" 

"B-but hurt". He whimpered. 

"Niall! What did I just say! Stop talking like a baby!" Niall's eyes watered and he let out another whimper. Harry pulled Niall to him and hugged him soothingly. "I can't believe how much your father has failed". 

"Niall want dada!" 

"Niall!" She grabbed Niall's sprained arm and pulled him to his room, making him scream in pain. She shoved him in and locked the door. "Learn to talk properly and you can come out!" 

"Grandma why are you so mean?" 

"I think you may be the only normal boy Hazza. There's nothing wrong with you is there darling?" 

"But I can't read grandma". 

"What!? What has Louis done to you boys!?" 

"It's not daddy's fault". 

"Oh Hazza you don't have to defend him. He doesn't help you does he? Come on let's go read something together". She pulled Harry to the lounge room and grabbed a children's book. "Okay start". 

"It w-w-w.....it wass-"

"It was, Harry". 

"It was the e-e-ev-ern-ing" 

"Evening". Harry tensed. 

"It was the evening o-off"

"Of". 

"Of a c-cold sno-snowy d-day w-w-w...." 

"When, Harry". 

"W-when Luky's-"

"Lucy's". 

"Lucy's cat d-di-dis-" Mrs. Turner snatched the book from Harry and snapped it shut, making Harry jump in surprise. 

"You kids are useless!" She stormed off and Harry pulled his legs to his chest, hugging them tightly as he began to cry silently. He had always struggled with reading and his teacher knew but he made her promise not to tell his father. His mother had just died and he didn't want to cause his daddy anymore pain. But he wanted to go home. He missed Louis and the love the boys received. He even missed Zayn. He just didn't want to be there anymore. So he snuck to Liam's room and opened the door, closing it behind him. 

"Liam?" He shook his older brothers shoulder. "I wanna go home. Can we please go home?" 

"How Haz?" Liam sat up. 

"We can just leave. She c-can't keep us here". Harry began to cry and Liam shushed him. 

"Shh okay go to Niall's room and get him and your clothes. Come straight back here okay?" Harry nods. "I need you to be a big brave boy for me okay? Make sure you lock the front and back door first." Harry leaves the room to get Niall and their things. Liam shoved his things in his bag and got his shoes on, ready as Harry and Niall walked in quietly with their bags. They shut the door and Liam shoved the chest of draws against it, getting a cloth, punching at the window as it shattered and he threw the bags out before getting out himself. He holds his arms out for Niall as his door rattles with his grandmother trying to get in and places Niall on the ground before helping Harry. He grabbed his bag as Harry grabbed the rest and Liam lifted Niall before making a run for it. Harry followed and their pace quickened as they heard their grandmother yell out from the front yard. 

"Lium you bleed!" Niall exclaimed as he looked at Liam's hand that was holding him. 

"I'm okay Ni". 

"Are we going home now Liam?" Liam smiled down at Harry's pout. 

"Yeah Haz. Let's go home". They stepped in the front door which was locked and were filled with the silence that was odd. Louis wasn't home and that was strange. Had he given up on them? Liam set Niall down and the bags. They all jumped as the front door slammed open and Louis and Zayn stumbled in, making out in a full passionate kiss whilst basically pulling at each other's clothes. Liam cleared his throat and they froze before turning to the boys in shock, instantly moving away from each other. 

"Liam what happened to your hand!? Have you all been crying? What happened?" 

"Ah...grandma is a..ah...b-i-t-c-h". Liam spelled out. 

"I'm glad you know. What did she do to you?" Liam sighed and pulled his dad into a hug, clenching on Louis' t shirt as if he's afraid he'll disappear. Harry and Niall join the hug and they all cry together, just missing what this felt like and wishing they hadn't lost it for even a second. "I love you boys so much".


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some POV switching from now on, sorry for the confusion xx

Louis turned to see Zayn with pain filling his eyes and stepped away from Mike. 

"Uh...Zayn this is Mike. Mike this is Zayn". Mike smiles and steps past Louis, holding his hand out. 

"Hi Zayn, Lou has told me a lot about you". Zayn stares at the hand and barely knows what he wants to do. 

"Zayn, Mike is my friend from high school. He moved away when we were 14 and I haven't seen him since. We're just two old friends catching up I swear". Zayn frowns. 

"You don't need to explain anything to me Louis. We aren't dating and you're not mine so you're free to see and date whoever you want. It was nice seeing you". Zayn turns to walk away but Louis grabs his arm to stop him. 

"Zayn please don't leave". 

"You know what Lou? Here's my number. We can catch up another time". Mike leaves with a friendly smile and Louis looks down at the piece of paper then back up to Zayn. 

"Zayn please don't be upset. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't know what Liam did. I'm so so sorry-"

"It's okay. Of course you'd listen to him. He's your son". 

"That doesn't excuse the way I talked to you. Zayn please come back? The boys are with their grandmother and I really want to spend some time with you". Before they knew it Louis was in Zayn's arms while they rapidly kissed with force and lust until a noise pulled them apart and jumped off each other. Louis rushes over to the boys. 

"Liam what happened to your hand!? Have you all been crying? What happened?" 

"Ah...grandma is a..ah...b-i-t-c-h". Liam spelled out. 

"I'm glad you know. What did she do to you?" Liam sighed and pulled his dad into a hug, clenching on Louis' t shirt as if he's afraid he'll disappear. Harry and Niall join the hug and they all cry together, just missing what this felt like and wishing they hadn't lost it for even a second. "I love you boys so much". 

"Niall love you too Dada". Niall whispers quietly then looks up at Louis in fear of being told off. When he hears nothing he frowns. "No yell?" Louis pulls back from the embrace and frowns at Niall. 

"Why would we yell Ni?" 

"B-because Ni-Nia..."

"Grandma kept telling him off for not talking properly". Louis looks at Niall with saddened eyes and lifts him. 

"Oh Ni, don't worry about that. Okay? I don't care about that". They all jumped from a loud banging on the front door. Niall whimpered in fear and clung to his father as Harry rushed to Liam's side. "Boys, go upstairs for me. Okay?" 

"OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR YOU BASTARD!" 

"Boys now!" As soon as the boys were upstairs the door was busted open and a built, 6 foot 3 man stormed in, shoving Louis in anger. 

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU STEAL WHATS MINE!"

"W-what?" 

"P-Pete?" Louis looked between Zayn and the stranger in shock. 

"He's your ex?" 

"He's fucking mine you shit!" Pete shoved Louis again and pulled a gun from the back of his jeans, pointing it at Louis. Louis instantly tensed up and put his arms up as Zayn panicked. 

"Pete. Don't do this. I need you to put the gun down". 

"You're mine Zayn!" Pete's arm shook as his eyes watered and he got ready to shoot. 

"Okay. Okay Pete". 

"Tell this shit! Tell him you're mine!" 

"Dada?" Louis froze at the sound of his three year old son. 

"Stay with your brothers Ni". He let out shakily. 

"But want to cuddle dada!" 

"I'll cuddle later". 

"Pwomise dada?" 

"I promise bud. Remember dada loves you". 

"Love dada too". 

"Go back to the boys okay?" 

"Yes. Okay dada". Louis let out a shaky sob as he stared at the gun pointed at him. 

"Pete, please think about what you're doing". Zayn whispered and slowly stepped closer. 

"Say it! Say you're mine!" 

"Pete". Zayn whispered as he stood beside Pete. "Please don't do this". Louis stepped back and stumbled making Pete panic and move his finger. The loud bang and the gasp that escaped Louis moved Zayn to see Louis' hand on his stomach and blood pouring out rapidly. 

"Louis!" Zayn rushed to his side as Pete ran from the scene and put his hands to Louis' stomach, trying to reduce the blood flow with pressure. "Stay with me Lou. It's going to be okay". Louis' eyes began to droop and Zayn got his phone quickly. "Lou I need you to stay awake. Remember we need to go and cuddle Niall?"

"I'm really tired Zayn". Louis whispered as his eyes dropped again. 

"Louis you need to stay awake for me". 

"I...I..c-can't". Louis closed his eyes as much as Zayn tried to stop him and everything went black.

 

**Zayn's POV**

 

This can't be happening. I can't lose someone else. This can't be true. I have to be dreaming. Louis isn't hurt. Pete was never there. He couldn't have been. Louis has to be okay. He has to be. I've fallen way too hard for him and losing him will be the end of happiness for me as I know it. I can't do anything without him. It seems to me that pacing around the corridor of the hospital and pulling at my hair is the most calming thing to do right now. To most obvious and sane people, this is the worst way to stay calm. It's been four hours of Louis in surgery and I've heard nothing. Those bastards won't tell me anything no matter how much I yell and huff, or groan or moan...wow...I must be a pain in the ass...

"Excuse me?" A 5 foot something girl with her blonde hair pulled back and a nurses outfit on had a straight face and a warming set of green eyes. "Were you here for Louis Tomlinson?" I nodded my head and gave her a worried glance. 

"Please tell me he's okay". She looked down briefly with a small frown and took a deep breath. 

"the bullet only just missed his kidney. His condition was very critical and he lost a lot of blood. The surgery was successful but I'm afraid that Mr. Tomlinson has fallen into a coma". My eyes filled with tears and I blinked them down to see again, trying to hold back sobs with my hand but only muffled them. "I'm sorry". 

"C-can I see him?" She looked wary and hesitated. "Please?" She nods and leads me to a room that's down the hallway. She opened the door and smiled with sincerity. 

"I hope he wakes up soon". I stepped in and rushed to Louis' side, taking his hand in mine and holding it tightly. He has a tube sitting in his mouth and a bunch of machines and wires surrounding him. 

"oh god". I choked out and let more tears fall. "Lou I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this. I can't-..I love you so much. I literally can't live without you. You're my only hope Louis. My life was so messed up before I met you. I never told you this but I've lost someone I loved five years ago. To me he was the love of my life. I thought we would be spending the rest of our lives together. The reason I freaks out so much when I met your friend was because he looked just like him. They had some sort of resemblance that I couldn't handle. His name was Daniel. He was so sweet and the way I found out I was gay. I never even considered it. Not even for a second. I thought that it was wrong and disgusting. That's how I was brought up. My parents dissed me and kicked me out as soon as they knew. I haven't even seen them since. I was fifteen. How sick is that? I had no where to go so my only place was Daniel's. He had told his parents that same day. They were supportive of us. As the days went on the bullying got worse at school. I could handle it but it seemed that it affected Daniel so much more. He was cutting himself. I didn't even know. What kind of a boyfriend was I? I just can't believe I was that clueless. One day he went too far. He left me Lou. He promised we would be together and go through everything together. He just left. I've hated him so much for it ever since but I always had a part of me that didn't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to leave me too. I love you Louis. So much. I guess I'll try and get a hold of your mum. Don't want your boys to go without a proper adult figure. Please wake up soon. I love you". I kissed his unmoving hand and hesitantly walked out. I hated seeing him like that. So lifeless. Unmoving. I hate it. 

\-----------

"Mr. Zayn? W-where's dada?" I looked down as Niall's big dough blue eyes and struggled to come up with an answer. 

"Hey Niall why don't we go upstairs? Where are your brothers?" 

"Okay" he grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs, into Liam's room where Harry was playing on the iPad and Liam on his xbox. 

"Where's daddy?" Liam now noticed my presence and frowned. 

"Have you been crying?" 

"I....y-your dad he....Liam can I talk to you?" He nodded and we walked back down stairs to the kitchen. "Y-your dad is in a coma". 

"W-what?" 

"I'm so sorry. My ex shot him I...it's my fault!" And I'm crying again to a thirteen year old boy. 

"N-no it's not". I looked at him in shock and saw the pain in his eyes. "I-it's not your f-fault". I shook my head. 

"Don't worry. As s-soon as I get a hold of..L-Louis' mum I'll be gone". Liam surprised me when he wrapped his arms around my waist and cried against my chest. I hesitantly hugged him back and soothingly rubbed his back to try calm him. It was weird being around kids. I definitely was not good with them and they're way too energetic for me. Liam pulled away and wiped his eyes. 

"I-I think dad would want you to look after us. C-can we please go see him?" I looked at him in shock as soon as his first words sunk in. 

"Wait...you want me to...to look after you?" He shrugged. 

"This is mentioned to no one". He motioned between the two of us. 

"Let's go see your dad. Harry Niall!" Liam handed me the keys to his fathers car and I buckled Niall into his car seat, making sure Harry had his seatbelt on and began to drive. "Now, boys your dad looks just like he's sleeping. He will wake up soon okay? But don't worry he's okay". 

"What happen to dada?" 

"He...he fell over Ni. Clumsy isn't he!?" Niall chuckled and clapped his hands together. 

"Silly dada!" I side looked to Liam and saw the worried expression. I barely knew how to comfort him so I just reached over and rubbed his knee. He looked up to me and I mouthed "it'll be okay". He just nodded and looked over to the window. I really didn't know what I was doing here. Niall suddenly squealed and I jumped as Liam and Harry chuckled. 

"Fwuit sulud yum yum! Fwuit sulud yum yum!" I realised The Wiggles cd was on and turned it up a little for Niall. At least he was happy, right? 

\---------------

I held Niall tightly in my arms as Liam followed and held Harry's hand. I really wasn't confident with this visit. I can't believe I'm taking these kids to see this. 

"Dada sleep?" Niall whispered as soon as he saw Louis. 

"Daddy?" Harry rushed over to Louis' side and Liam stood still at the door just staring. I really don't know how I'm going to do this.


	19. Chapter 19

**Zayn's POV**

 

"Niall! Come on we have to go!" Niall ran down the stairs with his little bag and smiled happily. "Okay come on boys". Harry slung his bag over his shoulder as did Liam and we got in the car. 

"I have to go to work today so Liam can you please get Niall from pre-school?" 

"Sure". 

"And Harry, you're going over to Kade's after school right?" 

"Yep!" I nodded and pulled in front of the school. 

"Have a good day". I drove to Niall's pre-school and parked the car, getting him out of the car and walking him to the front desk. "Have a good day okay? And don't forget Liam is picking you up". 

"Okay. Bye daddy!" He ran off and I stared after him in shock. 

"First time he's called you that, huh?" I nodded slightly still staring in the direction Niall went. "You'll learn to love it. How's Louis doing?" I looked over to her and shook my head. 

"Still nothing. There's talk of...of pulling the plug". 

"Don't go to work Zayn. Call in sick and sit with Louis. You  _need_  it. Just talk to him, tell him funny things the boys have done...take a break". I nodded and smiled gratefully to Lucy. 

"Thank you". She nodded and I walked out to my car.  _Niall just called me daddy?_

 

\-----------------

 

"Hey Lou". I took his hand in mind and smiled at the touch. "They're talking about pulling the plug. Lou please wake up. I can't be without you. The boys are struggling. Niall's not really understanding though. He called me daddy today. It was such a shock to me. Harry is so funny. The other night he said to me that when you sleep you're really awake because you're dreaming. I couldn't stop laughing Lou. He's such a funny kid. And then he told me how when he smiles he gets pimples. He didn't know they were called dimples but it was hilarious. Lou you should've been there! I've walked in on Liam and Jack doing some stuff. The poor kid was dying of embarrassment. Niall's just adorable. He's always thinking of others. He's so good at sharing it's just amazing. Usually kids at his age refuse to share but Niall's always offering. He doesn't stop eating though. He's like a machine. They need you Lou. Liam won't admit it but he's missing you. Lou wake up. Please". 

"Mr. Malik? It's time". I looked over to the nurse in horror. 

"No! No no please just another day". 

"It's almost been two years sir". 

"Louis wake up. You need to wake up. Please babe I love you so much. You still haven't said that back. You need to say it back". I began to cry on the bed and felt a twitch in my hand. I heard a gasp and footsteps and felt a squeeze of my hand. I hesitantly raised my head and met bright blue eyes. " _L-Lou?"_  He opened his mouth to talk but I stopped him. "Don't talk. Oh my god you're awake! I can't believe you're awake". Stray tears ran down my cheeks and Louis looked completely out of it. The nurse and three others rushed in and began testing Louis, soon telling me that everything was perfectly normal. 

 

**Louis' POV**

 

everything was dark and my eyes felt stuck together. My head is crashing in pain and I can't really move anything. What the fuck is going on? 

"-thinking of others. He's so good at sharing it's just amazing. Usually kids at his age refuse to share but Niall's always offering. He doesn't stop eating though. He's like a machine. They need you Lou. Liam won't admit it but he's missing you. Lou wake up. Please". My hearing began to fade in and I heard Zayn's rough, cracky voice. 

"Mr. Malik? It's time". I heard an unfamiliar voice. 

"No! No no please just another day". 

"It's almost been two years sir". What's almost been two years?

"Louis wake up. You need to wake up. Please babe I love you so much. You still haven't said that back. You need to say it back" I fought with all I could to do something to tell Zayn I was here. Listening. My finger twitched and I internally sighed in relief. I slowly opened my eyes only to be blinded by the light and squeezed Zayn's hand in mine. Zayn raised his head slowly and looked in my eyes in shock.  _"L-Lou?_ " I went to talk but he stopped me. "Don't talk. Oh my god you're awake! I can't believe you're awake!"stray tears ran down his cheeks and four nurses walked in the room. They began testing me and told Zayn everything was normal. 

 _"W-w-w-_ " my voice was overly dry and cracky and my throat was burning. 

"What is it Lou?" 

 _"W-water"_. I barely managed to whisper and he jumped up, shakily pouring me some water and handing it to me. I drank from it slowly and noticed Zayn smiling at me. 

"I have to go Lou. But you rest and I'll be back tomorrow". I nodded and he hesitantly left me in the dark hospital room. How long  _exactly_  have I been sleeping? I could've sworn I heard the nurse say it's almost been two years. But there's no way. How could someone sleep _that_  long? What about the boys? How much have I missed of them? Of their growing up and birthdays and everything. What even happened? Wow all this thinking is making my head worse. But even Zayn looked different...hotter...sexier...yummy...ugh god I'm in a damn hospital what is wrong with me? I groaned and closed my eyes to rest. 

 

\------------------------

 

"Are you done with this sir?" I nodded and smiled politely even though the food was literally poo but to be polite...

"Yep thank you". More like fuck you the fucking hospital food is junk. 

"Oh, you have visitors". I quickly sat up but instantly regretted it as pain shot up my back. Looks like sleeping for so long isn't a good thing for your body...

"That dada?" I looked up at the familiar yet slightly different voice and met a tall, blonde haired boy next to a much taller, brown curly haired boy and even taller, brown, straight haired boy. "Dada? You wake?"  _Niall?_  He ran to the bed and Zayn helped him up as he basically jumped on me and held me tightly. 

"Y-you're so  _big_ ". Of course I was now full on sobbing and holding him as tightly as I could. I opened my arms for my no longer little Harry to join and Liam who looked so much older also joined as we all cried together. "H-how old are you Niall?" 

"I, 5". His voice was muffled from my hospital gown. 

"I'm 9 now dad". I looked into Harry's sad eyes and then moved to Liam's. He pulled a sad smile and shrugged. 

"15". 

"A-are...Jack?" 

"Still going strong". He nodded. I looked to Zayn and mouthed a thank you and he simply nodded.  _Wow I love this man_.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Louis' POV**

  
  
I can't believe I've missed so much of my boys' lives. They're so grown up and I've done nothing to involve in that. Zayn has done such an amazing job. I can't believe I've missed two years. How the fuck was I sleeping for two fucking years? Wow I didn't even know that was possible. I thought if you were sleeping for a year they would pull the plug and you'd die. Thank fuck that didn't happen. 

I slipped off my shirt and looked at my pale body in the mirror. There were four slightly rectangular marks on my chest and I traced over them with a frown. I looked further down and traced over the scar on my stomach. Wow my body looks disgusting. Bloody scarred and fucked up. Looks like no more shirtless hot days. No more sexual activity. No more showers with a love. Fucking shit why. My chest is completely fucked up now.   
  


"Lou?" I jumped as Zayn opened the door and turned my back to him.   
  


"No! Don't come in!"   
  


"Lou what's wrong?" I could hear him stepping closer and grabbed my shirt again quickly, covering my chest. "Lou?" I turned to face him and he frowned.   
  


"I-I need t-to shower".   
  


"Louis what's wrong".   
  


"Dada you come play with me?" I looked down and Niall and took my bottom lip between my teeth as my eyes watered.   
  


"Niall, why don't you go and see what Harry's doing and dad will be there soon?"   
  


"Okay daddy!" My eyes watered even more as Niall referred to Zayn as another parental figure.   
  


"Oh Lou". I was engulfed in a hug and began sobbing on Zayn's shoulder. I can't believe I've missed so much of the boys growing up. Niall even sounds different. Liam's voice is so much deeper and Harry looks so grown up. I've missed so so much. "Shh it'll be okay".   
  


"T-thank you for looking after the b-b-boys". He pulled the tshirt from my hands and I quickly moved my arms to cover my chest. He frowned.   
  


"What are you doing?" He tried to pull my hands away but I fought him.   
  


"No Zayn please". I looked down to avoid eye contact. "I'm disgusting. I have gross scars all over my chest and I don't want anyone to see".   
  


"Lou..Lou look at me". I hesitated but slowly met his eyes. "Your body is beautiful. I love everything about you. I don't give a shit about your scars. To me they're just there to show how strong you are. You fucking got shot, died twice and look at you now! They're just a way to show that you're strong Lou. Don't think of it as something to be embarrassed of.   
  


"Really?" He smiled and nodded.   
  


"Really". He slowly moved my arms back and leant down to press soft kisses along all of my scars. He smiled up at me and pressed his lips to mine in a quick motion. He desperately attacked my mouth with his and I pulled at his top and we departed for a few seconds as I threw his shirt away and tugged at his hair as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer and pushing his crotch to mine. I let out a strangled moan and he shoved his tongue into my mouth, massaging my own as he pulled me even closer and lifted his hips. "You have no idea how torturous two years of zero sex was for me Lou". He kissed down my neck. "Oh god I've missed you". He slid his hands down and cupped my ass, squeezing. I let out another moan and he kicked the door shut, turning the shower on. He pulled both my pants and briefs down along with his and pushed me into the shower, connecting our lips again. He took both our lengths in his hand and began moving up and down, making me throw my head back in pleasure. "You have no idea how much I want you". Our heavy breathing mixed together.   
  


"Then have me". He groaned as the water ran over our flushed faces and lifted me, cupping my ass as he lined up to my entrance. I wrapped my legs around him and buried my face in his shoulder as he slowly pushed in.   
  


"Oh...you're so tight Lou". I groaned as he began thrusting slowly, my length rubbing between us as I moved up and down.   
  


"Fuck.." Zayn moaned as I pulled at his hair and began to meet his thrusts. "Z-Zayn I-I'm close!" The tingling sensation in my stomach began and my eyes whitened as I went into my high, feeling Zayn shoot into me and press his forehead against mine with our heavy breathing and the running of the shower the only sound in the room.   
  


"I love you". He let me down and squeezed soap into his hand before grabbing a cloth and cleaning me. Once we were both freshens up and also of course after two blow jobs we were dry and dressed, heading to play with the boys.   
  


"Zayn can you please help me with my homework?" Zayn gave me a worried glance and looked back to Harry.   
  


"Why don't you ask your dad?" Harry and Zayn both looked to me and Harry gave me pleading eyes. I smiled weakly and nodded.   
  


"Yeah I'd love to". As Harry went to go get it Zayn came over to me.   
  


"Lou, there's something you should know..." I became wary of his worried expression. "Ah...Harry has dyslexia. He struggles to read and spell".   
  


"W-what? B-but when?"   
  


"Always Lou. He made his teacher promise not to tell you anything because he was worried about you and he's always gotten Liam to help him".   
  


"I can't believe I didn't notice!"   
  


"Dad can you please help me?" I looked up to Harry and nodded slightly.   
  


"Y-yeah...let's go bud...ah I mean...ah...can I still call you that? O-or do you like Harry? Or Haz? Hazza?"  
  


"Bud is okay dad". He smiled up at me and I nodded.   
  


"Okay let's get started then". We sat at the dining table and he opened his book. "What are we doing here?"   
  


"E-E-English". Harry looked nervous and it made my heart clench painfully.   
  


"Okay, what are we starting with?"   
  


"I-I have to read".   
  


"Ok bud".   
  


"F-flash! Quack, o-over hire! Jude w-wass j-uu-m-pp-i-nnn-g u-up and d-oo-www-n i-in the mm-ii-ddle off the street l-like a mm-aaa-dd ttt-hhh-th-iii-n-g, w-wa-vv-ering h-hiss a-aar-mm-s. Passs it b-baa-c-kk!" Harry looked up to me as he finished the paragraph with fear in his eyes as if I was about to yell at him.   
  


"That was good bud. Did you want to keep going". I tried to pull a comforting smile and listened as he struggled to sound out the words. It pained me to see him struggling. The look he gave me just tore me apart. He looked so afraid of being lectured and tormented, it worried me with what has been going on at school. Had people been bullying him? My little boy? Has he been struggling the whole time I've been gone? Have I completely failed as a father? Without Jenny...oh my god Jenny! I can't believe I haven't thought about her yet! I've been out of the come for over a week! Does this mean I'm really moving on? Am I...am I in love with Zayn?  
  


"Dad?" A small hand waved in front of me and I looked up to see Harry frowning. "I finished reading?"   
  


"O-oh.." I ran my hand through my hair. "Sorry bud. Do I need to do anything?" He nodded and pushed his folder in front of me.   
  


"You just need to sign it". I nodded and Harry watched me with the frown still etched over his face.   
  


"How is school?" He tensed and looked down to his folder.   
  


"I've missed you dad".   
  


"I'm sorry Haz".   
  


"Niall didn't forget you dad. That shows you how good of a father you are. Don't forget that". I stared after Harry in shock as he walked away with his homework. Did a nine year old really just come up with that? Could he tell that's what I was thinking? Can my son read me that well? Damn there's so many questions going through my head but the one that I'm struggling with the most is if I really am in love with Zayn Malik.   
  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

**Louis' POV**

I snuck out of bed, trying not to disturb Zayn and grabbed my keys, walking down the hall. No one knows of this but Jenny, my parents and hers. I stood in front of the locked door and hesitated before I slid the key in and turned. I stepped in quickly before closing the door behind me and being as quiet as possible. I haven't been in this room since before I met Zayn. It's always been hard for me. I looked around the baby pink painted room, my eyes stopping on the white wooden cot and pink blankets. The white change table was covered in dust as well as the chest of drawers. I cautiously walked further in the room, the floorboards squeaking slightly, and wiped the dust off the baby album. I hesitated but lifted the cover and held back the tears.

Isabella Anne Tomlinson

weight: 3.4 kg

length: 50.8 cm

Hair colour: brown

Eye colour: blue

D.O.B: 12/03/2002

I turned the page and choked a sob as I ran my thumb over the sonogram. it hurt to look in here. It brought the memories back. 

"come on babe you can do this" Jenny shook her head and fell back on the bed. "I believe in you baby. I've got you okay? Just a little more" I wiped the sweat from her forehead and smiled lightly. She nodded and sat up again, scrunching her cute face in concentration and strength, seething with exhaustion as she squeezed my hand tightly. 

"Just one more push Jenny" She took a deep breath and did as the nurse said. I looked back at them and saw a small blue thing, unmoving in their hands, covered in blood.

"Wh-Why isn't she crying? Where is she? Where's my baby?" I felt myself pale as I saw her more clearly and looked back to Jenny.

"She'll be okay, we just need to do a few checks". Jenny nodded and looked at me with worry.

I remember when the nurses told me they wanted to have a word. I didn't really know what to expect. They told me that she was suffering from meconium aspiration that eventually led to pulmonary hypertension. she came out with a cord wrap. She wasn't breathing for 10 minutes before they got her to NICU. They got her to start breathing partially on her own. The doctors had her on so many different IVs, one of them was to paralyse her, after one day of this, they had her a brain wave test which she failed, she was brain dead. Jenny and I decided to let her go, it was way too painful to take many photos with her. We only took one but it pained me too much to ever look at that one photos. She passed away in Jenny's arms as I held them and I will never forget that painful memory. We were so excited to have a little girl along with our one year old Liam. We had absolutely everything prepared. The cot, room colour, change table, clothes, blankets, toys. Everything was planned. Not even Liam knows about any of this. He was only one. He was barely even talking or walking yet. I just wish I had of held her longer. She would be fourteen now. My little girl would be fourteen years old, only beginning her teenage years, my anger and protectiveness towards the boy who took her on her first date. The talk and threatening I would do. I just wish I still had my little girl. I grabbed a one piece and walked out the room, locking the door again and slipping back into bed, holding the piece of clothing close to my chest as I cried myself to sleep.

 

\------------

 

"Lou?" I groaned and huffed, trying to push away the nagging feeling to open my eyes. "Louis? Niall's crying" 

"You get 'm Jen. 'm tired from Isabella" 

"Louis?" I came more to my senses and noticed a deep, raspy voice that couldn't be Jenny. 

"Sorry Z...Please take care of him? Isabella was on my mind for hours last night and 'm tired as fuck" I basically slurred and tried to sleep again. I'm pretty sure I heard something along the lines of 'who the fuck is Isabella' but I brushed it off and clung the cloth closer to my chest as if it was a teddy bear. My eyes felt glued together from the tears that fell last night and my face felt tight. I didn't like waking up like this. All tight and sore. I haven't for years. 

"Louis? I groaned and opened my eyes to see Zayn staring at me with a frown. I smiled slightly and sighed.

"Hey" he looked down and his frown deepened. I followed his gaze and panicked, shoving the clothing behind my back.

"Lou, Who is Isabella and why do you have girl baby clothes?" I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out.

"Where are the boys?"

"downstairs watching a movie" I got up and grabbed my keys, taking the one piece with me and my keys, pulling Zayn with me. "Lou, where are we going?" I stopped in front of the door and looked at Zayn.

"You love me right?" He frowned.

"Yes? Lou, wha-" I unlocked the door and pulled him into the room, closing the door quickly. He looked around the room in shock, not able to form any words as I watched him nervously. He looked at me for answers and I took a deep breath.

"Liam was one and Jen and I were expecting a girl. We were so excited and the time came for our baby to come. When she was born, she wasn't breathing and she had a cord wrap. She was brain dead Zayn. There was no chance for her. We couldn't do anything. We couldn't bring ourselves to pack up her room. I locked the door so no one could know but I guess I've spilt the beans". Zayn had tears filling his eyes and walked over to me, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Lou". 

"dada? Dada where you are?" I sighed and kissed Zayn lightly.

"Don't worry Zayn. I'll be okay". I smiled slightly and walked out the room with Zayn following. "I'm here Ni, what's wrong?" he ran down the hall and jumped into my arms.

"Miss you dada" I hugged him tightly. 

"How about we all go watch a movie?" Niall nodded eagerly and ran down the stairs. 

Liam's POV

I moaned and arched my back as Jack kissed down my neck, nibbling. I pulled his head back by his hair and crashed my lips to his, shoving my tongue in his mouth and sliding my hands down his back to his ass, squeezing. He moaned and pushed his groin into mine, pulling at my hair. 

"I love you" I smiled into the kiss and lifted my hips to create more friction. Jack groaned and ran his finger teasingly over my clothe covered crotch and I gasped. 

"Stop being a tease". he rolled to his side, me following and pressing his forehead against mine, our heavy breathing mixing together.

"How's your dad?" I frowned and raised my right eyebrow. 

"You're thinking about my dad right now?" He rolled his eyes and smiled.

"I'm just wondering babe, he was in a coma for almost two years, I could see how much it pained you so don't bother denying it. I care about you". I sighed and lay on my back as Jack hovered over me and brushed his fingers along my cheek. "Hey, don't cry" I tried to push back the tears but failed. "Please don't cry babe, I'm sorry. Don't think about it". I sniffled and shook my head.

"I was so scared I was going to lose him too J...I was so fucking scared. I couldn't lose mum and him. I just couldn't. I don't know what I would do if that happened. I know I'm pretty rude to Zayn but after what he did for my dad, looking after us three, helping us, being such a good father figure I just can't let my dad question that relationship. I want to let him know that I'm happy for him, for both of them but I don't know how. Jack I'm scared. I don't want to lose my dad too". He frowned at me and wiped my tears away.

"You won't lose him Li. I promise you won't okay? Everything is going to be fine. I love you and I know your dad does too". I looked back at him and met his promising eyes. 

"You promise?" He smiled and kissed me lightly.

"I promise". 

"I love you so much" he pushed my hair back and started kissing me again. My phone rang and I groaned, getting it out of my pocket. I frowned when I saw it was Zayn and answered breathlessly. 

"Liam...You need to come home". I heard a scream and a crash and flinched.

"Zayn what's going on?" I heard another crash. "Zayn what the hell is going on?"

"i-it's your dad...he...he..." There was another scream and I jumped off the bed.

"I'll be there in ten". Jack gave me a worried look and I shook my head. "I don't know. I need to go home babe" He kissed me softly.

"It's okay. I love you". I left and basically ran home, flinching at the sound of Harry and Niall crying as another crash sounded. I ran upstairs and saw Zayn biting at his nails.

"He's in there" He pointed to the door that has always been locked and I hesitated, pushing the door open. I saw dad throwing pink and white things everywhere, kicking at a cot and looked around the room in shock. He looked up to me and his eyes widened with fright before phasing over to anger. He glared behind me and pointed angrily.

"YOU LET HIM IN HERE!?" I flinched as I basically have never heard my dad yell like that. "YOU FUCKING LET HIM IN HERE!? HOW COULD YOU? YOU KNEW HE DIDN'T KNOW! WHY THE FUCL WOULD YOU DO THAT ZAYN? I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" His crying turned to major sobs and he fell to the ground on his knees. I had never ever seen my dad break down like this. His arms and hands are bloody, his face stained with tears and a few small cuts, his hair a complete mess. I can't believe he's like this but the other question that I can't escape is why theres a baby girl room that dad has been hiding from us.

 


	22. Chapter 22

All he could see was red. It was the day his little girl left them. He felt as though he had basically lost everything. All he had was his boys and it seemed as though he'd lost them too. He slept through two years of their life! He missed two years of them growing up. His little Niall isn't even little anymore. So, he decided to take his anger out on Isabella's bedroom and then Liam was before him. He couldn't help but yell at the only other person that was in the room. Zayn. Of course it wasn't his fault. Louis didn't blame him for anything. If anything, he's helped Louis. He couldn't be more grateful. Eventually Louis fell to the floor and sobs racked his body. He didn't expect anything. He wasn't prepared for the strong arms that wrapped around him. Sobbing is something he hadn't done too much lately, it seems unmanly to him. It's weak.

"Lou it's okay. It'll be okay" Zayn ran his fingers through his messed up hair and pressed his lips to his head, leaving them there. He rocked them back and forth and Louis actually felt safe. For the first time in a long time he felt like everything was actually going to be okay. He felt nothing of the sort until Zayn's arms were wrapped around him.

"People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my kids. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza.

What am I saying when I say I love my kids? I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them.

What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza? (What? Not enough pepperoni? I'll be right there!)

Of course not. When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator until it gets all green and mouldy. It doesn't matter to me anymore.

These are two very different definition of the word 'love'.

It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you?

Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?"

Louis chuckled to himself and looked up to Zayn to see him frowning.

"You are my best friend, my shoulder to lean on, the one person I know I can count on, you're the love of my life, you're my one and only, you're my everything Zayn". He went to talk but Louis sat up more and put his index finger against his lips. "I love you babe, and every time I see you I just want to hold you in my arms and never let go because you're the one that fills all the little dark places in my heart. You're the one I want to look after my kids. You're my future Zayn"

Before they knew it, the master bedroom door was locked and clothes were thrown everywhere. Zayn grabbed roughly at Louis' hair as their lips clashed together messily, pushing Louis back to the wall and pressing his body up against Louis' as closely as possible. Louis moaned at the friction and pushed his lower half forward to rub against Zayn's. Zayn ran his right hand slowly down Louis' chest, feeling every inch and looped his finger in the belt loop of Louis' jeans.

"oh my god I love you" Zayn muttered against Louis' neck as he nibbled and sucked. Louis arched his back and groaned, wanting more than what Zayn was giving him.

"Bed. Now". Zayn nodded and stripped from his jeans as Louis did the same and jumped on the bed, continuing to kiss until they were just about out of breath. They spent the next two hours going at it like animals, but still affectionate and full of love. Louis was cuddled up into Zayn's arms when his phone went off and he slipped out of the bed with a groan, sliding on his pants.

"Where are you going babe?" Louis gave Zayn an apologetic smile.

"Work. They need me for something. I'll be back soon". Louis pulled his tshirt on and leaned over the bed, kissing Zayn sweetly.

"Promise?" Louis and Zayn both smiled into the kiss and Louis pulled away.

"Promise". Louis ran down to the car and waved to the boys, telling them he'd be back soon and he loves them, beginning to drive to work as he dreaded and dreaded because the text looked urgent. As he got to the end of the street, the lights went green and he drove forward, suddenly getting jolted to the side.

"Did you hear that Haz?" Harry nods to Niall and looks up to Liam with worry.

"I'll go get Zayn". Before Liam even reached the stairs, Zayn was running down, pulling on a shirt and telling the boys to stay inside. Running down the street felt as though he had been running forever. He thought it would never end. Of course he wished he had never ran there. The crushed car sitting on the side of the road with a barely crushed truck was the one thing Zayn was wishing wasn't it. It couldn't be. He ran towards the car and choked on a sob at the blood covered, lifeless body.

"No!"

"Excuse me sir? You need to step back!" Zayn looked back to see Liam, Harry and Niall staring at the car in complete shock, tears running down their faces. Zayn instantly ran over to the boys and pulled them into a hug, trying to hide their view of the paramedics putting their father in a zipped up bag, crying along with them as he held onto them for his dear life. He promised Louis no matter what he would look after his kids and that's exactly what he's going to do. He'll be with them forever, because that's what Louis wanted. His Louis was gone and he knew it but the only thing he could do was stay strong for the boys. The boys who lost it all. But the one thing Zayn could do now was help Louis. Louis let him help and that is what Zayn would never forget. Let me help you Louis, forever.


End file.
